2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cars, 2 tired...

Hot Glue Friday: Valentines!

2012-02-10T11:47:00.000-08:00

I wanted to tell you guys all about RB's naked day of destruction this week, but as nothing has changed around here (no Captain, no tutor) and it's been a crazy few days, I haven't gotten to it yet. Stay tuned!

In the meantime, I did manage to complete another simple craft which I thought I'd share.

As Firstborn has not yet started complaining about my homemade valentines and asked me to buy him nice, socially acceptable, mass-produced Disney-themed ones from the store, I have continued to make them every year. With his help, of course.

This year, since his classroom teacher is also a music teacher, I went with a theme I thought would be appropriate. And since I've been fighting down the urge to run out and buy more craft supplies, having a mountain of supplies here already, I looked around the house to see what was available.

For a long while now, my kids have been particularly careless with CD's and DVD's. As a result, we had a pile of scratched-up useless ones that, for one reason or another, didn't end up in the garbage. So I collected up the 19 I needed to be passed around his classroom, painted them with dollar-store black acrylic paint and made up some circular labels in my paint program to go on either side. Firstborn and I affixed the circles with a little glue and a brad in the middle, stuck stickers on one side and a roll of Rockets on the other, and voila!

My apologies for the fuzzy picture. I'm not kidding when I say it's been a bad week!

A music-themed valentine made of some junk I found around the house and a few bits and pieces from my craft pile! This of course leaves us with only one question. Will one third-grader in that class have ever even seen a vinyl record album?

I'm sure the teacher will appreciate it.

Hot Glue Friday!

2012-02-03T09:28:00.000-08:00

There is actually no hot glue involved in this post. But I thought I might try occasionally posting a super-easy 5-minute craft every so often. And "Hot Glue Friday" sounded more impressive than "Cut Up An Old T-Shirt Friday".

This craft--for an easy, no-sew infinity scarf--came to my attention courtesy of my youngest sister, who saw someone do it on Rachael Ray. This brings up an important point. I have never in my life completed a craft that I designed from scratch myself. I'm good at figuring out how to do things, but only after someone else has shown me a picture of it. So any craft I share here will come, at least in the idea, from someplace else and I'll try to give credit where it's due. In this case, if you go to the Rachael Ray website and search around, I'm sure you'll find a better set of instructions than you're going to get from me. But here's what I did anyway.

You will need:

An old T-shirt or tank top (the kind with no side seams are best, but use whatever you have on hand)
A pair of sharp scissors

Begin by laying your t-shirt out flat, as I have done here. Prepare yourself mentally to cut into it. Breathe.

Cut straight across the shirt, from armpit to armpit. If your shirt has a logo on the chest, as mine does, make sure to cut below it. Because this is a shirt I got from volunteering, I kept the logo to sew onto a tote bag I have where I stick all my badges and appliques from other volunteer stuff I've done. The rest of the top part of this shirt will be cut up and used to clean the bathroom. Waste not, want not.

Leaving the hemmed edge alone, start cutting both layers of the cut edge to make a fringe. I cut my strips 3" long and 1cm wide. You can cut your fringe all the way across or leave about 4 inches uncut at one end to hang at the back of your neck if you prefer not to have fringe there.

Here is what you will end up with.

And this is what it'll look like when you hang it around your neck.

Not being a huge fan of fringe, I was interested to see if this would work without the step of cutting the strips. All I had to cut up was a smaller tank top:

As you can see, it looks fine without fringe, so feel free to skip that if you're a no-frills type. You may also notice that this scarf is much shorter than the other one. That's because this was a form-fitting tank top. The width of the shirt definitely makes a difference in what kind of scarf you end up with, so that's something to take into consideration. This top also had side seams, so there's a bit of playing around with it to get it to look best once it's on. But no big deal.

And there you have it! No sewing, no skills required, and about 5 minutes of work, if that!

Go forth and be crafty!

300th Post Q&A

2012-01-30T15:44:00.000-08:00

Well, everyone, I've officially spent too much time on the internet. It's my 300th post!

As promised, I'm answering your questions today. So here we go!

Debra asks:

How did the Captain woo you and ask you to marry him?

Well, let me tell you, it was all very romantic. It was a slushy, grey January day in 1996 in Southwestern Ontario. The Captain picked me up from work and took me to the fanciest restaurant in town : The Keg! He was acting sort of weird and quiet and I could see something was up, but it was impossible to tell whether that something was good news, or if he was going to dump me. As I always hope for the best but plan for the worst, I figured I'd better get one last really good meal out of it, and I made 3 trips to the all-you-can-eat salad bar before getting started on my enormous steak and large glass of wine. Maybe it was the wine, and maybe it was the 8 pounds of salad and steak in my stomach, but I don't remember much else. He pulled out a ring at some point, and I think my answer was probably obvious from the beginning. When a guy proposes at The Keg, you'd be a fool to say no.

LaelShine has a 3-part question:

If you had a million dollars...what would you do with it?

That's easy! A year or so back, our town lost it's little thrift store. I'm still not quite over it. It was a treasure trove. It was also a junk trove. But that's thrifting for you. If I had a million bucks, I'd open a new thrift store in town. I don't have an entrepreneurial bone in my body, but I think I could make up for that with my passion for other people's old castoffs. Having first crack at every piece of junk that came through the door wouldn't hurt either.
What is your favourite breakfast, lunch and dinner?

Mexican, Mexican and Mexican! I enjoy food from every region on this planet, but at present I'd say there's nothing like a plate of huevos rancheros on a Saturday morning. I can't say I really have a specific favourite meal for lunch or dinner. I like way too many things to be able to pick just one. Let's hope I never end up on death row, because that last meal business will be what holds the whole thing up. What I'm actually more focused on meal-wise is in making every meal an opportunity to eat something delicious. We each get about 1000 meals a year. I'd hate to waste even one of those meals by eating something crappy. Eating is the one thing in life we have to do to survive. We may as well enjoy every last bite.
Do you have any tattoos?
If yes, what? If no, what are your feelings on them?

You may be surprised to learn that I actually have not one, but two tattoos. One is a daisy chain on my lower back. The other is a butterfly on my left shoulder blade. I like them very much. I have no regrets about having them, and I make no apologies to those who might not approve of the things. I do, however, think it's something you have to really think seriously about beforehand, because they are permanent. I purposely chose to put mine in a spot where they could be covered up so that I'd have the option of not having to reveal them to, say, a future employer. Also, with them being behind me, when I'm not in a tattoo kind of mood I actually forget that they're there. Best of both worlds!

GrannyBob also has 3 questions:

When are you available for tea and some educating an old crazy farm woman?

I'm going to assume you mean “young, fabulous agriculture expert”. Come on down (that goes for all of you)! I'm not sure you'll be getting much of an education though...

Where do you get your tea?

I, myself, buy tea bags at the grocery store. But the Captain, knowing my love of real tea, always buys me fancy loose-leaf on gift-giving occasions. Most recently (and this is the tea you'll be thinking of, Granny Bob) he got me a couple of pounds from a local place called It's About Tea. You can check out their website here.

Where your favourite place was that you have lived since being an army wife?

Such a tough one! I'm a firm believer that wherever you are, that's where you are, and you need to make the most of it. When we left New Brunswick to move here, I was very sad. I'd been the happiest I ever was in New Brunswick, and I do think that the Maritimes will be our final destination when it's time to retire. But to be honest with you, when we have to leave Manitoba, I'll be just as sad to drive away. I learned what it is to be a minority (and also how fabulously different it is to shop at a Value Village) in Montreal. My world-before-kids and career as a teacher was in Calgary. My family is in Ontario. In the end, it's not where you are. It's what you make of it.

Frostbite andSunburn wants to know:

Where do you see yourself/life in five years from now - and will you be blogging about it?!

I hope I'll still be blogging. I expect that at some time in the next five years, we will be posted someplace new. We've had a nice long run out here on the Prairies, and all good things must eventually come to an end. So, we could be living absolutely anywhere. In 5 years, I will have a teenager and a pre-teen. And since autism is a permanent part of our reality, that thought is interesting...and also terrifying. The idea of work is a fuzzy one. I don't think I want to return to the classroom. But I don't think I want to work at McDonald's either. I'm actually not sure I even want to work. I'm really going to have to give that one some thought...

In Real Life asks:

If you could take an all expenses paid family vacation, where would you go? What would you like to do while there?

My dream vacation (or at least the one that involves bringing my family with me!) is always about being somewhere warm during the winter. With all the stuff I keep seeing in the news about Mexico lately, my dream of seeing that country (because I never have) has kind of gone down the drain. I'd love a good road trip around some of the warmer parts of the U.S. though, looking for great places to eat and shop—it's really just that simple for me. I'd like to see Southern California once, and would even take my kids to Disneyland, despite the fact that that sort of thing generally makes me want to punch Goofy in the face.

And there you have it! Thanks for playing along with me, and for sticking around for 300 interminable posts! Hitting the big 3-0-0 is like New Year's Eve. I have so many thoughts about what the future of this blog should look like.

Will any of them actually happen? Stay tuned!

Ask Me Anything

2012-01-27T17:13:00.000-08:00

I'm really not ignoring you guys!

I have an inbox full of your comments from my last few posts, and I like to get back to all my blog friends before posting again, but it's just not happening right now. RB lost his tutor suddenly for the second time in 18 months. It was no one's fault this time, but it's not looking like we'll be getting a new one any time soon, so in the meantime, I'm trying to fill in the gaps for him and come up with a Plan B in case we don't find anyone at all. It's really cutting into my blogging time. So inconvenient!

I promise to get around to visiting you all and commenting again soon. Just bear with me. The Captain is also away on course for a few weeks so I'm on my own here. Ahhh...military life!

I happened to notice today that my next post will be my 300th. I almost missed it! So I thought that since I haven't been finding the time to go blog-hopping, maybe I'd open the floor up to my blog pals (for the record, the Captain calls you my "Minions". But please, take that up with him.) and invite you all to ask me a question, which I will use my 300th post to answer. Some of you have been coming around right since the beginning, and many of you have turned up here somewhere along the way and kindly stuck around despite...well, everything. At whatever point you jumped in, you only get a carefully-edited glimpse into my mad little world, so maybe you have a question. Or maybe you like doing the old "Which would you rather be: a penguin or a yeti?" I like those kinds of questions too.

So this one's for you, Minions! Click on comments and ask away!

This Is Too Good Not to Share...

2012-01-20T19:56:00.000-08:00

WAAAAY back in November 2010, I decided it would be a great idea to order photo calendars of the kids for all the grandparents for Christmas. Being anti-social and ultimately lazy, of course, I ordered them all online.

I'm not going to tell you which company I went with, but I will give you one very cryptic clue. It rhymes with Crawl-Mart. Seriously, people. One of these days, I'm going to get sued.

So, with it being the holidays, I guess things got busy over there and the calendar I ordered for one of the grandparents--to be sent directly to her--never showed up. A huge kerfuffle ensued in which I had to make approximately 3 phone calls to the company before anyone would admit that the order was lost, and a replacement was finally sent out. Grandmother received her Christmas calendar on January 27th 2011, more than a month late. I'd have filed a big, noisy complaint, but they also forgot to charge my credit card. So really, no harm done.

End of story? Apparently not.

This evening, as I was right in the middle of reading Firstborn his nightly bedtime chapter of Harry Potter, the phone rang.

Guess what! My calendar's ready!! Good grief.

So, my New Year's resolution to be more mentally healthy by (for one thing) staying out of that nut house was probably a good move, no?!

TGIF!!

Resolution 2012

2012-01-11T08:49:00.000-08:00

Usually, that week between Christmas and the new year, I figure out my new year's resolution. This time, it's taken a little longer for it to come into focus. Maybe this picture taken at 11:50 PM on December 31st will give you an idea of why 2012 has started off at such a sluggish pace around here:

It's always a wild party at our house...

But now I think I'm ready to commit. I've known for a while that I need to start taking better care of my health. I have a bad habit of thinking that because I'm not overweight per se (this doesn't mean I couldn't still stand to lose a few pounds), that I'm perfectly healthy. But if you took a good look at what goes into my mouth at any point on any given day, or how much time I spend on the couch or in front of the computer, you'd know that there are certainly improvements to be made.

I'm keeping it general again this year because I think there are a lot of areas that define "health". I do need to eat more vegetables and less meat. I do need to get off my backside and exercise every day. But I also need to make conscious decisions in other areas that benefit my health. Let me give you an example.

Last month, my wonderful neighbour gave me a gift certificate for a facial and a massage at a local spa. The whole experience was amazingly relaxing, and mentally healthy in ways I hadn't ever considered before (barring the part at the end where I was offered 2oz of eye cream for the low, low price of $110. What the heck was in that bottle? The elixir of life?!! I avoided more eye wrinkles by refraining from laughing too hard. Much cheaper.). And so, relaxed and loosened-up, I got in my car and drove directly to...Wal Mart. Talk about undoing all that relaxing goodness! I never walk out of that place without a headache. And why? Because I can save 8 cents on each can of beans I buy. Frugal? Maybe. Healthy? I think not.

I already know that when I stay out of the city, I spend less. Almost everything I need can be bought online or here in town, without using up a tank of gas or being sucked in by the allure of a completely unnecessary clothing section at the grocery store. But more importantly, when I stay out of the city, I avoid the traffic and the crowds and the rush, rush, rush, and I have more time to focus on the things I love. Reading, crafting, cooking, and hanging around with my kids.

I guess it'll also give me more time to exercise and get those 8 cups of water I need a day. But that doesn't sound nearly as fun.

So, my resolution for 2012 is to get healthy, in whatever ways that might manifest itself. It may have taken half a month for my brain to catch up, but now I'm ready and raring to go.

Bring it on, 2012!

Happy New Year!

2012-01-02T11:06:00.000-08:00

2012 has gotten off to quite a start around here. First I discovered that my little iPod Shuffle has gone off to the great electronics pile in the sky. Then I found RB in the pantry yesterday morning stuffing a contraband substance (Hostess cupcake) into his mouth whole. As I have had to install locking door handles all over this house due to RB's wandering hands, monkey-like climbing skills, and naked butt issues, I decided that January 1st was the day I was finally going to end the pantry mischief once and for all. And it was only going to take me about 5 minutes. After all, I have experience with this.

I began with a Phillips screwdriver, and removed the ratty old regular handle. No problems there. But when I started to try to fit the new locking handle into the hole in the door, I found the inside mechanism was too long. Never having come upon this problem before, I started devising new ways to make it fit. After about half an hour of drilling, sawing, hammering (and by this, I mean hitting things with the heel of my shoe), the Captain felt he needed to come downstairs and stick his nose in my handy work. I had made no headway whatsoever, and received a ten-minute lecture on how doors work and thinking through my problems.

When he went back upstairs, I got right back to work doing exactly what I'd been doing before. I cheered in triumph when I finally got the door to close, but then immediately had to call back upstairs in defeat when I realized it wouldn't open again and I was trapped in the pantry. Another lecture. This time, I left him to figure out this unfathomable problem, and in 5 minutes we had a working lock on our pantry door. Handy jerk.

He explained, again, how the locking mechanism works and what I had to do to make it fit. I promised to keep it in mind the next time I needed to change a door handle.

So, for future reference, if you're installing a locking door handle, the thing to remember is blah blah blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, and I told you so.

Or something along those lines.

Shoe Horn Christmas Ornament

2011-12-31T03:59:00.000-08:00

Since my last post, it has come to my attention that getting a shoe horn in a Christmas cracker is not the bizarre isolated incident I thought it was. As it turns out, half of North America seems to have gotten one. This tells us two things: 1. All the crackers made on this continent must come from the same factory; and 2. Some marketing genius actually got paid to come up with that lame, pathetic idea. As I said before, next year I'll be making my own.

But in the hope of keeping a million useless, outdated objects out of the landfill, I felt it was my duty to find a creative use for the lowly Christmas cracker shoe horn. So here it is:

My picture isn't the best quality, but I think you get the idea. I went down to my craft room and proceeded to find anything I could that looked remotely Christmassy while the glue gun heated up. In the end, I stuck on a little red ribbon and the last of my red fabric flowers (usually used in card-making) with a decorative (read: dollar store) brad stuck through the middle. A bow on top and a little more ribbon strung through for a hanger, and we have what I believe might be the world's first shoe horn Christmas ornament. Will I pull this out of the box next December and wonder what the hell I was thinking? Time will tell!

In other news, it's my favourite day of the year! Today I will put on something sparkly, come up with a few resolutions, and have one last shameless gorge-fest before embarking on a healthier 2012.

Whatever you're doing tonight, may your new year be full of possibility!

World's Laziest Family Celebrates Christmas

2011-12-27T09:03:00.000-08:00

That week between Christmas and New Year's Eve is my favourite one of the whole year. I realized during a discussion with my brother this past weekend that you can tell an optimist from a pessimist by how he or she approaches New Year's Eve. For me, it's all about tying up the loose ends of the past year, and then starting fresh with a plan to change my life for the better. Is there anything more thrilling than that? However, if New Year's Eve reminds you of all the stuff you didn't accomplish this year and makes you want to drink a bottle of vodka before hanging yourself with the Christmas tinsel, that's equally justified. But you should probably be aware that if this is the case, you might be a pessimist.

Optimist or not, I don't think I could ever be accused of having an elegant holiday season:

The fact that RB put on underwear for Christmas dinner was about the best any of us could expect. And please note, this photo was taken at 2PM and I was the only one in it who had bathed or changed into clean clothes. Do you like my new scarf?

In addition to the scarf, I'm also the proud owner of my very own Kindle! I learned to use it by loading an Agatha Christie novel onto it. That woman was a hoot!

In other noteworthy Christmas news, the Captain got a shoe horn in his Christmas cracker. A SHOE HORN. I'm taking this as a sign that I need to just make my own crackers next year.

And now I have just under 4 days to finish everything I started in 2011 (and by this, I mean the dregs of that Bath and Body Works lotion sitting on my bathroom counter) and figure out my New Year's resolutions, what to wear for the big (quiet, stay-at-home) party, and plan the menu. I also have a date with Miss Marple.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T08:31:00.000-08:00

To all my friends who will be celebrating it this weekend, a very Merry Christmas!

My friend, neighbour and fellow blogger Granny Bob stopped by this week with a beautiful package for me. Inside were a dozen of these:

The moral of the story is, when life hands you glitter-turds, blog about it. Your more talented friends will show up with much better-looking ornaments for your tree!

That same day, I received 4 of these from my next-door neighbour, who also happens to be Granny Bob's daughter. The crafty genes run strong in this family!

My tree is starting to look less naked! Now, if I can just keep RB's grubby little hands off of everything...

And just so you don't think I'm completely useless with the Christmas crafts, here's what I made following a tutorial my sister brought to my attention recently:

Cute, no? I need to go out next week and get some better felt colours, but you get the idea. If you'd like to make one, they're dead easy, and you can find the instructions here.

Because you've got nothing else going on at the moment, right?!

Yeesh!

2011-12-18T16:39:00.000-08:00

Do you ever see something beautiful online and think you could make something like it yourself at home? This weekend, I was trolling the internet for Christmas craft ideas to do with the kids and I came across these beautiful painted papier mache ornaments:

Gorgeous, no? And really, how hard could they be to make from scratch?!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 2011 winner of the Holiday Decorating Innovation Award:

Psychedelic Glitter-Turds!

What's even more embarrassing is that I did 90% of the work on these horrendous things! At least if the kids had done them independently we could all ooh and ahh about how special they are. Firstborn lost interest after the first gooey layer of papier mache. RB loved every messy step, but in more of an I'm-going-to-dip-my-hands-in-paint-then-run-around-the-house-flapping-them kind of way. And the catch-22 is that because they did do that 10%, I'm going to have to display them proudly on the tree until January 1st!

I'm thinking I'll stick to baking with my kids from now on...

I'm Dreaming of a Brown Christmas

2011-12-14T08:51:00.000-08:00

I'm generally not one to complain when we get no snow. I am the exact person places like Florida and Mexico were made for. If I never saw another snowflake, I'd be a happy woman.

But something about the sight of my front yard this morning just seems really wrong:

I've now spent more than a decade of my life altogether living in the prairies, and this is not at all what I'm used to looking out and seeing in mid-December. I'm not complaining per se. Goodness knows, I'll have my fair share of the white stuff come January. But still seeing grass this close to Christmas is highly unusual out here, and a look at the forecast tells me it's quite possible we will not be having a white Christmas. If this happens, I'm told it'll be the first Christmas without snow here in Manitoba in about 15 years. I choose to count myself lucky to see such a rare phenomenon. And also not to have to shovel a path to the front door.

Despite this weird meteorological occurrence, I am well and truly into the holiday spirit! After the jerks at Avon sent me a defective holiday collectible brooch, I was not about to wait around all month to get it fixed and have some holiday bling to walk around in, so I whipped these earrings together instead:

Then, on a crafty roll, I decided I needed a new wreath for the door:

I made this in 5 minutes using a wire coat hanger, an old tinsel garland and some ribbon I had lying around my craft room.

Then I got to work fixing the napkin holder Sister #3 made for me in 7th grade:

Over the last few years, RB has pulled off every ornament on this tree, leaving only globs of dried glue behind. Not exactly festive. So, I carefully sanded off the glue, touched up the green paint and added a pretty, RB-proof layer of glitter. Now, every time I put it down, I get a sprinkling of it all over the table. But, people, if you can't go all vampire-sparkly during the holidays, when can you walk around covered in glitter?

And finally, the latest holiday decoration from RB. He did this pine cone Christmas tree at nursery school. I think it's a brilliant idea and, with a couple of candles added for ambiance, a perfect centerpiece for our table:

Brown or not, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here!

The Random Diabe-tastic December Post

2011-12-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I'm already about 4 posts behind in my new two-posts-a-week commitment, but people, it's December! Enough said.

I do at least have enough random fodder for 4 posts, which I will now roll into one condensed post.

I kicked off last week by going to the big city all by myself. First, I got my hair done:

Those are also new glasses ($15 from Zenni Optical. I'll never spend $400 at the optometrist's office again!).

Then, I headed to Value Village for my bi-monthly rummage through other people's old junk. Even though I'm not really a brooch-wearer, I was stopped dead in my tracks in the jewellery section by this:

My grandmother had something very similar on her cardigan when I was a kid. I expected to turn it over and find that it had been reproduced in a sweatshop in Taiwan, but was very surprised to see "Made in England" printed on the back. Brooch-wearer or not, at $4 I wasn't going to wrestle with my conscience over this one. It came home with me.

Later in the week, RB celebrated his 6th birthday! I wanted to try sticking to his diet this year, but gluten-free cake can be so rubbery, so I had the bright idea of icing rice crispy squares instead:

I was happy with the way they looked. The way they tasted, on the other hand, caused the Captain to coin a new term: "Diabe-tastic". The sugar headache the next morning was dreadful, as was RB's behaviour for the next 24 hours. Next year, I think it might be safer to just let the poor kid have a little wheat!

Though, as you can see, he really wasn't complaining...

Lots of holiday babble to come. Have a great Sunday, everyone!

They Don't Call it a "Mom Blog" for Nothing

2011-11-22T11:31:00.000-08:00

Well ladies, I'm finally back and I've got something to brag about!

All girls love receiving jewellery, right? Even the most serious marriage-eschewing feminist wouldn't say no to a nice string of pearls, or a diamond-encrusted brooch. It's in our DNA!

So today, when a very important man in my life came home with a little something sparkly for me, I was obviously thrilled. I've been wearing it all day:

Yeah, that's right. RB made this beaded masterpiece for me in nursery school today. And it's one of a kind, so don't even think about trying to score one for yourself.

In all seriousness, considering the state of his fine motor skills a year ago, this is something special indeed!

I'll be wearing it with this chic accompaniment:

Firstborn made this bracelet for me for Mother's Day 2009. The instructions were to pick beads in Mom's favourite colours. But since Firstborn didn't know my favourite colours, he went with the most likely and obvious choice: the colours of Spider-Man. He's always thinking.

Anyone can look good in diamonds and pearls. Only the truly stylish can rock plastic.

Satellite TV

2011-11-16T07:53:00.000-08:00

I commit to writing two posts a week, and suddenly blog fodder is falling from the sky! And I mean that literally.

Last week, after eight years without any paid-for TV and two years without any TV at all (we gave up after RB broke his fourth set of rabbit ears), the Captain finally took the plunge and got us satellite TV. And it turned out to be an awful lot more exciting than I could have imagined.

We had two people here working with RB, and the satellite guy turned up just after lunch. He was about 70, but he knew far more about the whole thing than I did, so I was hardly going to argue. Off up the ladder he went and got to work installing the dish, and I busied myself cleaning the kitchen.

About halfway through the installation, I heard a thump and one of the girls in the living room suddenly yelled "CALL 911! HE'S FALLEN OFF THE ROOF!"

Are you frickin' kidding me?!

I grabbed the phone, dialed 911 and got...A RECORDED MESSAGE! Oh. My. God.

I was kept on hold for at least a minute before an operator was available to take my call. Meanwhile, I had an unconscious 70 year-old on my driveway!

By the time the ambulance arrived 10 minutes later (yes, you read that right. And from what I hear, this is a lightening-quick response time out here in the back of beyond. Just cross your fingers I never have a heart attack...), our satellite guy had come around, stood up (despite my anxious instructions to stay still), and was rolling his eyes at what a fuss we'd made over absolutely nothing. Bear in mind here that he had no recollection of one of the girls trying to get him to talk to her while he was out cold on the gravel.

The ambulance people gave him a good looking-over, determined that they thought he was okay, but recommended a ride to the hospital to see a doctor just in case. Our satellite guy refused, signed away his right to sue if he dropped dead in the next 24 hours (I guess at that point, suing wouldn't be his main concern anyway), and as the ambulance was backing out of our place, he was climbing back up the ladder to finish the job! I wanted to call the satellite company and recommend him for employee of the month, but as the accident happened because he didn't set his ladder up right, I was afraid I might get him into trouble instead. Still, that's one dedicated employee!

Everyone else just gets a guy out to set up their paid-for TV service. I got a story to go with it. And I'm thankful for that because, as I suspected all along, the installation was much more entertaining than what's actually on TV. I swear, if I see David Caruso take off his sunglasses one more time, or that stupid egg-boiling infomercial, I'm climbing up there and ripping the dish down myself.

But don't worry. I'll call 911 before I get the ladder out.

How To Keep That Poppy On

2011-11-09T08:49:00.000-08:00

For years I have worn a poppy in early November to observe Remembrance Day. And for years, I have looked down several times each November to find that the poppy has fallen off my coat. From what I can gather, a lot of people have this problem.

A year or two ago, someone taught me an easy trick to eliminate the need to keep running back off to the store to buy another one, so if you already know this trick, forgive me for stating the obvious. But just in case a few of you out there don't know it, I'm going to share it with you.

When you pin your poppy on this year (on your left side--just a reminder), pull the pin back a little once it's attached to your coat and stick it through the side or bottom edge of the red part from the underside. Does my explanation make sense? If not, look at the picture. It's pretty self-explanatory.

You'll notice I have my poppy pinned to my leather jacket. On Friday, when I attend my local Remembrance Day service, I'll pin it to the lapel of my dressier wool coat. But it doesn't matter what kind of coat you wear. Leather, denim, fleece, wool, leopard-print, psychedelic tie-dye--the poppy goes with everything. And now, instead of worrying that it's fallen off, you can think about why it's there:

You wear a poppy because every decision you make--from the opinions you express, to the TV shows you watch, to the books you read, to the grilled cheese sandwich you'll have for lunch today--is yours, courtesy of all the men and women who have stood in harm's way to secure it for you.

Now go put one on.

Someone Hold Me Back!

2011-11-07T12:22:00.000-08:00

I love my husband. I do. But over the years he has done a really thorough job of sucking the joy out of gift-giving for me.

To begin with, he is a man. As such, he is already impossible to buy for. Add to that the fact that the few things he is interested in--electronics, tools, coffee--he generally just buys for himself as and when he needs them. When he does want something, the thing that he wants is so specific, it almost guarantees that if I try to buy it for him, I'll screw it up.

Around Christmas 2006, we were just getting into the whole mp3 thing. The Captain had been away (as usual) all fall, so he hadn't had a chance to get online and do his requisite 60 hours of research into the matter, so out I went and got him what I figured was a decent deal on a new mp3 player. I was pleased with myself, and when he opened it on Christmas morning, he seemed perfectly happy with it too. It was a blissful 24 hours before he came to me, told me enthusiastically that he'd found a better one on sale, and kindly offered me his "old" one. The fact that I managed not to take a kitchen knife to his head can only be described as an act of divine intervention.

Five years, and many poorly-received gifts later, I came up with a couple of Christmas ideas that had me excited. The Captain has been talking for some time now about how a decade or so ago, I threw away his old, rusty pasta machine that was missing its handle. As I like to have my shopping done by the end of November so I can concentrate on leisurely baking (and relaxing) in December, I planned this month to go to the fancy kitchen store and get my husband a shiny new pasta machine to put under the tree. I also got my brother, who lives in beautiful New Mexico, to send me some hot sauce the Captain has been raving about ever since his last trip down south. Gift buying for the most impossible man on the planet had begun, and I was on a roll!

And then the inevitable happened.

On Saturday morning, the Captain came strolling in with that same self-satisfied look he always gets when he's scored himself a bargain, and informed me he'd just spend such-and such an amount on a great new pasta maker. I gritted my teeth and willed myself not to kill him as I explained my situation and asked him not to buy himself any more presents until after the holidays. He acted suitably regretful and I swallowed my rage.

But that wasn't the end of it.

Today at lunch, he informed me that there'd be a $65 charge to our credit card. That's right. He's ordered himself a large supply of that hard-to-find hot sauce.

At this point, the only thing I can think of to get him is a nice, vintage book. I'm leaning towards this one:

I think I've found the perfect gift.

Passport Photo

2011-11-04T08:10:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me a while back that my passport had expired. This made me nervous. I like that secure feeling you get when you know that, no matter what happens, you can always leave the country.

I went about the rather lengthy business of filling out new paperwork and then off I went to the mall to have my picture taken. My last passport photo was, if not flattering, at least a fair representation of what I look like, minus glasses. So having my picture taken this time didn't seem like too big a deal. Until I got it back.

At first I thought they'd given me the wrong picture. The woman in it looked like she'd been picked up for robbing a 7-Eleven to support her Twinkie addiction and was trying to look remorseful for her mug shot. But since I could hardly go back and ask them to retake the picture because I didn't feel I looked pretty enough, I stuffed the photos in my purse and convinced myself I was being overly critical. No one likes how they look in pictures, right?

When I got home, the reality hit full-force. Upon seeing the photo, the Captain, who is an expert at not reacting to things because he's been married to me for 14 years, actually let out a loud gasp. At this point, I knew it was bad.

So you know I'm not exaggerating, here is the picture I'll be showing to customs officials around the world for the next 5 years:

Staycation, anyone?

It's November?!

2011-11-01T12:40:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else wondering where 2011 went?

I'm still kind of reeling that last night was Halloween already. We always go out with our neighbours and it makes it extra fun for everyone. The kids like having some friends to run around with, and I like having another adult present to keep me sane! Here's a shot of my boys before we headed out:

As you can clearly see, Lord Voldemort teamed up with the local fire chief for a bit of trick-or-treating. An odd pairing, I have to admit. Someone should've told Firstborn to look more evil. That grin made him look more like Uncle Fester than the dark lord, and he was wearing it all night. Luckily, I thought ahead and made him that Slytherin patch so people knew not to hold back on the candy, lest they fall victim to the Cruciatus Curse.

This is it, people. My blogging has hit an all-time low this year, and now it's November. I'm officially committing to two posts a week from now on to ease myself back in. If I don't kick my butt in gear now, it's all downhill, and my brain will be mush by the New Year!

I'm Ba-ack!

2011-10-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

A VERY belated thank you to Dimple for this lovely award:

The rules state that I have to tell you a few things about myself. Since I've been rather remiss in keeping you all updated lately, I'm going to tell you some recent things.

1. My Basement Oasis: I've spent a bit of time every day turning my grungy, unwelcoming basement into a place I want to be. No more dog hair tumbleweeds floating all over the place, or Hoarders-style piles of junk everywhere. I've moved the treadmill so it faces the TV (though oddly, no actual exercise has ensued) and begun the process of making my sewing and craft area a functional space. My basement banishment is a success!

2. Just Call Me "Sporty": I believe I might be the very first person on earth to have sustained a sports injury without actually engaging in any physical activity whatsoever. 2 weeks ago, my left arm started hurting for no apparent reason. At first I ignored it, and then, predictably, fell into my old habit of letting my overactive imagination start making diagnoses. Yesterday I felt it was time to go see a doctor. You know, just in case it needed to be amputated. The doc did some bending and twisting and poking and prodding and then asked "Have you opened any particularly stubborn pickle jars lately?" to which I had to admit that most pickle jars (and jam jars, and even the pull-tab cat food can) are a bit of a challenge for me. How embarrassing.
He diagnosed an inflamed wrist tendon similar to what you might get with tennis elbow and the like, and suggested I go get myself a sports wrist/hand wrap thing and wear it until the pain goes away. You might think this is the end of the story, but unfortunately, I ran off to the pharmacy and bought the first thing I could find, only to have to skulk back in 5 minutes later and admit shiftily that I'd accidentally bought a right-handed one when it was actually my left hand that needed help. I'm pretty sure everyone in town groans when they see me coming.

3. Country Girls Don't Scream: I've had to admit to myself that despite loving where I live and never wanting to leave, spending the first 32 years of my life in a city has left a permanent imprint.
On Monday, I backed out of the garage to take Firstborn to his martial arts class in the city. When I got out of the car to close the garage door behind me, I made a gruesome discovery. A few feet away was the stray cat that had been hanging around our place for a few days, laying on his side, dead as a doornail. I have no idea how he died and I don't want to speculate. The only dead things I have ever seen are mice, rats and birds, along with the odd bit of road kill. On finding a pet-level animal (that I'd been very tempted for days to bring inside and start feeding) checked out on my driveway, I should've just gotten to work dealing with it, like a proper country-dweller. Instead, I let out a scream. You know at the beginning of Law and Order when someone finds a dead body and starts screaming? It was that kind of scream. The Captain came out to find out what on earth was going on, rolled his eyes and went for the garbage bags. So at least one of us has some rural-person instincts. I left him dealing with things, drove to the city, and had a half-fat latte to calm my nerves.

Happy Friday!

This Post Brought To You In 1-Minute Increments

2011-09-30T08:29:00.000-07:00

Still alive out here in the middle of nowhere!

I've had some time-management issues this month that have made blogging and commenting near-impossible. The Captain has been away and Rosemary's Baby's tutor had to take a 3-week sick leave. Living where we do, there's no one to take over when our tutor gets sick. The major lesson I've learned from this is that MY KID NEEDS HIS THERAPY!

Holy cow, he's been a little terror! I literally cannot spend more than one minute at a time on the computer or I go back upstairs to find the little monkey either raiding the cupboards and fridge of things he shouldn't have, or in the garage, trying desperately to figure out how to back the car out of the driveway for a joyride. He's suddenly napping at weird hours and appearing in my room expecting breakfast at 3AM. No-therapy-RB is killing me!

However, all should return to normal next week and I am to be banished to the basement, as my presence on the main floor during therapy sessions has been deemed a "distraction". The ornery part of me might want to argue, but to be honest, my basement needs a good cleaning anyway, and since I have a TV, treadmill and computer down here, I'm pretty sure it'll actually end up being good for me too. Prepare to be sick of me by Christmas.

In the meantime, go visit my friend and fellow blogger Granny Bob for an update on the amazing autumn colours in our area at the moment.

Have a beautiful fall weekend, everyone. I really will be back soon!

Tomatoes, Spice Cake and Frost. Brrr.

2011-09-14T07:54:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking that if I don't post again soon, you're all going to think that my last post was a suicide note. So, rest assured, I'm still alive and well. Just buried in tomatoes.

We got our first frost last night and it is CHILLY! There's still a lot to be harvested from the garden, and between that and having to do a lot more work than I'm used to for RB's program, time is at a bit of a premium for me right now. But I am slowly trying to make the rounds and leave some comments, and eventually I'll be back on track with my own posts. I hope...

Before I get back to chopping tomatoes, on another very grave and important topic, I heard some news that rocked my world this morning. Maybe you heard it too.

THE EASY BAKE OVEN IS LOSING ITS LIGHT BULB!!!

That's right. In the interests of preserving our already crippled environment, Hasbro has redesigned the classic first kitchen appliance of aspiring little chefs to include a proper heating element and more cooking space. The light bulb is being phased out! It's great news for 4 year-olds who are concerned that the 100-watt hot spot surrounded by some nominally warmer-than-room-temperature air might dry out their souffle before it's puffed up properly.

For those of us more worried about what an entire heating element will do to the moistness of our tiny round spice cakes, the jury is still out.

My Funeral, and Other F-Words

2011-08-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

Between this morbid song playing every single morning on the radio and then running through my head all day long, and my recent birthday (which was AWESOME!), I'm forced to face my own mortality.

I've told the Captain many times that when I pop my cogs, there is to be no funeral, and that I'm to be disposed of in the cheapest way possible. But since stuffing me in a garbage bag and tossing me in the river (to loosely paraphrase the above mentioned song) could potentially get my family a hefty fine, and funerals are not so much for the dead as for the left-behind, I've decided I'm going to give them all an alternative option. I'm nothing if not flexible.

Food:
As I will likely have spent all my money at Old Navy, leaving nothing in the way of a will, the least I can do is insist that my kids have a bang-up send-off party for me. And the way we party in our family revolves entirely around the food. My favourite food (indeed, my favourite smell) is barbecue. I can think of no better way to leave this earthly existence than in a cloud of barbecue smoke. Steaks, pork chops, chicken, burgers. I truly don't care. Just slather it with sauce, make an otherwordly mess, and pray for my sake that the afterlife has a Bradley Smoker.

Fun:
Classical music? Hymns? That morbid song I keep hearing on the radio? Absolutely not! At my funeral, I want a karaoke machine. And if no one performs Devo's "Whip It" as the guests file out, expect the walls to be bleeding when you get home.

Fashion:
Solemn black has its place, but not when I go to meet my maker. I feel strongly that here in North America, we simply do not get enough use out of our Halloween costumes. And for me, it just wouldn't be a funeral without Harry Potter, the pink Power Ranger, Batman and a life-sized M&M as pallbearers. Besides, nothing screams respect like a eulogy delivered by Big Bird.

If this seems like a lot to organize, I will completely understand if my family opts for Plan A. As the morbid song goes, toss me in the river and send me away with the words of a love song.

Just make sure it's this one:

On This Date In History

2011-08-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

People born on August 15th:

Napoleon (had a bit of a complex)

Princess Anne (horsey, but her dogs are as badly behaved as mine, so she wins points for that)

Julia Child (my favourite!!)

ME! (my second favourite)

I'm taking off this morning to run a couple of errands and have a little 38th birthday fun, me-style (ie. rummaging through other people's junk at the thrift store). It's my gift to myself.

Have a great day. I know I will!

How Big Are YOUR Rocks?

2011-08-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

As the old adage goes, when the cat marks its territory in your combat helmet, throw it in a sink full of vinegar (the helmet, not the cat), and cross your fingers.

Wait, that's not a real adage?! Well it is now. As of today. At our house. If the smell doesn't come out, the Captain is just going to have to tell the Quartermaster he needs a new helmet because the old one has a bullet hole in it. Let's hope the Quartermaster doesn't call his bluff.

Here's something the animals have not yet ruined:

My kids had such a great time climbing on the fiberglass rocks at the zoo last month that I got it into my head that maybe I could buy a really big rock for the backyard. When I mentioned this plan to my fabulous neighbours, they laughed at me (I get laughed at out here a lot) and promptly drove me out to their pasture (closest I've ever been to a huge herd of cows). It turns out the pasture is covered with huge rocks, and they told me to take my pick. Who knew?! Last night, they came over with the tractor and dumped down a huge pile of sand and two enormous rocks. Needless to say, my children are ecstatic.

I wanted to include a few photos of them both playing, but Rosemary's Baby took one look at his new sand box, ripped off all his clothes and went diving at it. When he learns to keep his clothes on, I'll get some internet-appropriate shots.

This has seriously saved me something like $800 on a new play structure, and brings the number of favours I owe next door to approximately one billion.

Staycation, Part 2

2011-07-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

Staycation is over. Bring on the long weekend!

We had a fun time vacationing at home this year. It's not the same as going away, but it definitely has its perks. Not dealing with overstimulated kids in a hotel room every night is one of them!

The pictures:

A marshmallow roast and camping out for Firstborn and the Captain, some fun with tie-dyeing, and a little fiddling around on my sewing machine so my Harry Potter nut could have his own Hogwarts robes.

Various lunches in various locales. Taking the kids out to eat is so much less stressful than it used to be, and around here we can enjoy a scenic trip home down a back road. Firstborn won that disguise at the arcade in Booming Metropolis (scroll down for details) and insisted on wearing it for the rest of the day. We got some funny looks at the mall. Luckily we're very, very used to getting funny looks everywhere we go.

We have reptile gardens nearby and decided to check them out. The kids had a great time and got creepy-looking keychains from the gift shop at a very reasonable price (unlike some gift shops. Zoo, I'm looking in your overpriced direction). The whole visit lasted less than 30 minutes, but that was quite enough for me. Between the heebee-jeebees I always get around reptiles, and Rosemary's Baby trying to open the door to the anaconda exhibit, another 10 minutes would've done me in. The fact that no one got eaten is a minor miracle.

Booming Metropolis has a small arcade with lots of age-appropriate fun for both my kids. We went on a weekday morning and they pretty much had the run of the place. RB kept gravitating back to the same couple of games and Firstborn gave almost all of them a try. In the end, they won enough tickets to each pick themselves out a couple of prizes. You know it's a good setup when no one had to be dragged out kicking and screaming.

And that's Staycation 2011!

Oh No! Four-Oh!

2011-07-27T08:50:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time when wrinkles and grey hair were things I associated with the elderly, I looked across a college classroom and saw this guy:

He was quiet and grouchy-looking and I kind of got the impression he didn't like me because he never smiled. But he was cute and he smoked cigarettes and wore flannel shirts and coats that looked like they belonged to someone's grandpa. Who wouldn't want to be invited to that party?!

Some 17 years later, he's off the cigarettes, but still as grouchy as ever. And today he turns 40.

Happy Birthday, Captain! You're still the party I want an invite to!

Just please, this time, wear a new shirt.

Staycation, Part 1

2011-07-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

Well, our staycation is already more than halfway over. Here are a few shots to bring you up to speed:

We kicked off the holiday by painting some of our older, more ~~filthy~~ unwearable shirts. Firstborn decided it was time his imaginary band Days of Destruction had a concert t-shirt. I chose to highlight my British roots (please forgive my unbelievably dishevelled appearance. We had such a heatwave happening at the time, it's actually lucky you're not looking at a melted puddle with a Union Jack on top.), and RB just wanted to get his hands dirty. The kids had so much fun, we ended up also tie-dying some new shirts later in the staycation. But that's a whole other post.

We have a very small splash park on the base and we took the kids there last Sunday morning. They had the entire thing to themselves, but their favourite part of the entire experience was, of course, eating snacks on the bench after they were done. So we can probably just save ourselves the drive next time, set up some chairs in the backyard, and let them run through the sprinkler. If the snacks are good enough, they'll never know the difference!

The heatwave continued as we made our day trip to the big city and the zoo. I got too much sun and not enough water and ended up with a thumping headache, but not before I had a great trip around the big Value Village! Photos of my thrifty finds to come someday soon.

Lots more to share, but I know from being on the receiving end that vacation photos should be shared in small doses. So I'll spare you. For now.

Happy Sunday!

Out Of Order

2011-07-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

This business of having to come downstairs to access the computer is taking some getting used to. I know logically I should've given you an update on my cake and the town fair in general before posting again. But I think we all know that logic isn't really what drives me.

The town fair was a smash, as always. And my cake won first prize! Here's a shot again, in case you missed the excitement the first time around:

I also entered these:

The toy came first, the necklace third. I entered muffins (I ate those before thinking to take a photo. They looked like muffins. Use your imagination.). They came third and won me a tub of honey.

It would be important to note at this point--before you get too impressed with my seemingly unending ability to win, win, win--that this is a rather small town fair. There were, on average, three entries per category. So coming third really isn't as impressive as it might seem. But I take my wins where I can get them! More importantly, I had fun.

Someone else who had fun was Firstborn. He designed a promotional poster at school for the fair and came third in that category. And he was extremely pleased to come first in his age group with his original lego creation:

Ignore the weird hairdo. He whipped his hat off seconds before I snapped the shot, realizing that none of the famous artists in history had their portraits done wearing a Vancouver ball cap.

We both had our pictures taken--me with my cake, him with his lego--for the local paper. I'll keep you informed when and if those photos are published and we find ourselves famous.

I'm practicing my autograph, just in case.

Emergencies and Art Canvases

2011-07-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

For the first time in nearly 38 years, I've had my first visit to the emergency room!

Actually, that's not quite true. I've taken my kids one time each, and the Captain has had a few trips since we've known each other. But taking myself there was a new one.

I was slicing bread, preparing for a busy day and managed to somehow slice, with quite a bit of force, into my wedding ring finger. I knew immediately it was going to need medical attention.

Going to a rural emergency room is so different from going to a city one. I was in an out in 20 minutes and I had 2 nurses and a doctor hovering over my pathetic little cut finger. The doc actually decided not to stitch because the whole thing was awkwardly placed, would leave a nastier scar, and the anatomy of the injury made it possible for the skin to be put back in the right place and taped back together, so they put a tight, bulky dressing on instead. Here's what that looked like (sorry for the poor picture quality. Next time I'll snap it outside):

I've now progressed to oversized band aids, thank heavens. The dressing was a massive pain, since I wasn't allowed to get it wet. Plus, I kept spilling coffee on it. I'd show you my actual finger, but it still looks really gory and I don't want my blog to become known for its gross-out posts.

And on another topic, does anyone else love Dollarama as much as I do (for my American friends, it's similar in dollar-store quality to your Dollar Tree stores, but maybe even a little nicer)? I've noticed a few of the stylish people I know (and by "know", I mean that I follow their blogs) are even getting some of their jewellery there. Firstborn is already bored stiff at home every day, so I went in looking for a few cheap activities to keep him occupied. Yesterday, we made this wood dinosaur model together and he painted it:

I also got him some markers, a puzzle book and an art canvas with a brush and acrylic paints. It seems that for kids, art is a lot more fun if they're using "professional" supplies. The fact that I can get them at the dollar store means he can paint away to his heart's content and I don't have to worry about us having our house repossessed. This, however, does not mean that he's off the hook for buying us a retirement condo in Florida in a few years.

I hope everyone's enjoying summer. T-minus one week to our first family Staycation! Stay tuned!

Canada Day

2011-07-01T04:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Canada Day! And to those of you Stateside, a happy 4th of July weekend!

I've been busy, and this is why:

Our town fair is today and I decided this year to up the ante. Usually, I enter a piece of jewellery and a knitted toy. This time around, I took a serious risk and entered a decorated cake and some muffins. Anyone with two hairy dogs, a cat, and a toddler who enjoys grabbing fistfuls of anything within his reach will know why this was a stressful undertaking. If one of the judges takes a bite of muffin and finds a cat hair in it, I will simply die.

But back to the cake. It is our local fair's 125th anniversary this year, hence the farm animals and very prominent "125". I made homemade marshmallow fondant to decorate it (it was on my cooking bucket list, and now I can check it off), and in total it probably took about 8 hours. As you can tell, I am no professional, and I let the fondant sit for too long before rolling it out to cover the cake, so things are a little hilly. But overall, I'd say I'm happy with it for a first try. However, I'm pretty sure it's also a last try. People who do this kind of thing for a living must surely be demented.

In other news, I have a new computer! Cleaning out my laptop keyboard helped a little with my typing problems, but it wasn't a real solution. Now I have to slip downstairs every time I want to ~~spend all our money~~ blog and check emails, but the good news is that everything's so fast! The screen is also huge, so I'll be able to blog right up until my kids put me in the retirement home.

I'm looking forward to a relaxing long weekend, with friends here on Sunday for a barbecue. My only plan this weekend is to get the house just barely acceptable for guests, and to visit all the blogs I've been missing lately.

Happy long weekend, wherever you are!

One More Week!

2011-06-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, a week and a half, actually. But I've just prepared my last full week's worth of school lunches for Firstborn. Oh, what a feeling! Lunch-making is my most hated chore. I hate it even more than doing floors, and if you saw the state of my floors on any given day, you'd realize just how bad that is. Firstborn doesn't like sandwiches, so I have to jump through hoops to find healthy-ish things for him to eat instead. So most weeks he takes homemade biscuits or Yorkshire puddings. It's a pain in the butt on Sunday, but it means no sandwich-making during the week, which takes the sting out of lunch-making for me just a little.

The University of Booming Metropolis has a kids' summer program called Mini U, which Firstborn so wanted to go to for a week this year. But because it's an hour away, and interfered with Rosemary's Baby's therapy, we just couldn't schedule it for him. I felt terrible and promised him that we'd do all the activities he was looking forward to at home together instead. Turns out I really should've taken a flip through the booklet first. I had visions of us sitting in the back yard with a bucket of papier mache paste making a pinata. I might've known Firstborn would have something a little more technologically advanced in mind. And so, at present, I'm trying to learn the basics of how to solder together a working robot. Me and my big mouth.

Thanks to those of you who suggested I pop my sticky keys and blow a little air under there. While it hasn't completely solved my problem, it has helped enough that I can compose a short post without going stark raving mad. There was a lot of hair under there, which makes me suspect that maybe it actually isn't a good idea to let my cat take naps on the keyboard. Who knew?! In any case, the Captain has ordered us a new regular desktop computer, so the next time I do something stupid to the keyboard, it shouldn't cost quite so much to fix the problem. Yay, Captain!

And finally, let's remember today that there's a reason we automatically turn the lights out every time we leave a room and keep the thermostat at a sensible level, don't buy ourselves boats on a whim because money doesn't grow on trees, and know approximately where to look under the hood to see if the car's out of oil yet.

A very Happy Father's Day to all those hard-working dads out there!

Dirty Laundry to Come...Someday

2011-06-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

Ahh, you guys! If it's not one thing, it's another!

Now that I'm finally back into the blogging mindset, and ready to air weeks worth of dirty laundry, my laptop appears to be giving up the ghost. First my s key stopped working. Then the w. Now it's the 2, which is also the @.

Everywhere I go, I've had to cut and paste in every missing letter I need. My other option is to use the Captain's piddly little Netbook, which is just too annoying. This post has, so far, taken me 30 minutes to write. I'm checking in on all your blogs, but commenting is a bit of a challenge at the moment, as you can imagine.

In lieu of a proper post, here are a couple of recent shots of my kids:

RB and I took a trip to the park while Firstborn was at Tae Kwon Do. He had a whale of a time and I let him have a rare ice cream cone afterwards. Mother of the year!

Firstborn in his uniform. I'm loving that he's found an activity he likes, but looking forward to not having to drive him to it all summer.

I'm hoping to get this keyboard issue dealt with in a timely manner. I really can't go on like this for too much longer. Time for a new computer, perhaps? And maybe a money tree in the backyard, too!

Here's What You Missed

2011-06-08T09:23:00.000-07:00

My ONE goal for the last week was to get off my butt (or on it, as the case may be) and get something posted to my blog. As you may have guessed, nothing earth-shattering has happened around here lately and I'm kind of at a loss for blog fodder. So, in the absence of any real excitement, here's a recap of my life of late.

Firstborn is finally off of training wheels! We were moving the things up and up, and finally he was just riding around the driveway without either of them touching the ground. Then suddenly, he rounded a corner and one popped right off. Things are just not made to last anymore! I took this a sign from the universe to get rid of them altogether, and braced myself for weeks of wipe-outs and scraped knees. But the kid just got on and started riding his bike like he'd been on a two-wheeler for years. So much for all my worry about him never learning to ride his bike. Kind of like my worrying that he'd never learn to walk, talk, read...

This week we have to make YET another 4-hour round trip to the big city for YET another autism-related appointment that will lead nowhere. Right now, we're averaging one a month, and the only thing being accomplished is that the car is being run into the ground. Well, that and a lot of visits to the big Value Village. So I guess it all averages out in the end.

We had a yard sale a couple of weekends ago, and I managed to offload a big pile of our junk, and make $50 in the process. I'm feeling good about this because I've just started watching Hoarders and frankly, it's scaring the bejeezes out of me. Because we invited friends and threw a big 3-family yard sale, I actually ended up spending about half my earnings on some of my neighbour's junk. But her junk was of a better quality than my junk, so I still consider the whole thing a roaring success, and wish the Captain would stop rolling his eyes at me.

And finally, it's town fair time again! I'm frantically trying to get myself organized so I can enter some crafts and baked goods. Last year, I won $8 in prize money. This year I'm going for the big win--a tub of local honey! Wish me luck. If my first two disastrous attempts at honey muffins are anything to go by, I'm really going to need it.

I'm Probably Going to be Insufferable for the Next 6 Posts

2011-05-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I've finally gotten around to learning how to use a blog feature a lot of you have been using for ages already. Let's see if you can figure out what it is:

I've ~~eaten cake all day~~ veered slightly off my diet.

I ~~can't stand my husband~~ put up with a lot.

My life is ~~a shambles~~ colourful.

My friends ~~are a-holes~~ really tell it like it is.

I'd wear heels more, but my ankles ~~scare the wildlife away~~ are a little on the big-boned side.

As Spider-Man always says, with great power comes great responsibility. I promise to use this new knowledge only for good.

***Update:
I've had some questions about how to do this, so I guess I wasn't the last person on blogger to learn! Here's my handy-dandy expert tutorial (quit laughing):

In your dashboard, click on the Settings tab.
Click on Basic (first tab on the left).
Scroll down until you see the words Global Settings.
Right underneath Global Settings, you will see the words "Select post editor" with 3 options.
Choose Updated Editor (the first one).
Save your changes.

Now, when you go to edit or write a new post, you will have some new icons at the top along with the usual font, text colour, bold options etc. It looks like an ABC with a line through it. Anytime you want to strike through some text, select the words you want to strike out and click on that icon. Voila! A whole new world of passive-aggressiveness awaits!

The Rapture!

2011-05-20T14:41:00.001-07:00

Thanks to all of you who have asked after us out here in Flood Central. We are actually high and dry, well out of the flood zone. The Captain has been away a lot, and it isn't looking like that situation is going to improve for the long weekend. But we are not facing the possibility of being evacuated, or at any risk of losing our home, so we can live with it.

With the flood not being a worry, my only legitimate cause for concern this weekend is what to wear for the coming apocalypse. As I will undoubtedly be one of the unfortunates left behind to suffer in chaos (ie. my normal state of being) for 5 months, it'll have to be something comfortable. But if the rest of my wardrobe is destroyed by this thing (so hard to know, since the useless Weather Network refuses to provide any coverage whatsoever), I'll want to be wearing something I won't be sick of by the time the zombies get me.

Jeans, or capris? T-shirt or roomy blouse? Sweater? Accessories? This is going to require some serious thought. In the meantime, I'm off to make dinner. I'll be needing one more taco salad before the world comes to an end.

Santa's Workshop Is Adjourned

2011-05-13T18:10:00.000-07:00

Big news! Two of Canada's Supreme Court Justices are retiring this year!

No, it's not big news for me either. Between the flooding that'll have my husband away from home for at least another week, and about 40 other things on my mind, I wish whichever two are hanging up the gavel many riveting years of Tuesday afternoon Bingo, but otherwise I couldn't care less.

What did stop me in my tracks though was this picture from the Canadian Press (swiped from cbc.ca):

Now, I ask you, does this look like a group of people you'd entrust your legal system to, or does it look more like the last act of your kid's Christmas concert at school? Red and white and Canada. I get that. But in fluffy fuzzy North Pole fleece? It's a little much.

I have no idea who dresses these people, but for the sake of good old Canadian modesty, could we please tone it down a little?!

Random Grey Tuesday

2011-05-10T05:33:00.000-07:00

A few random points to start off your Tuesday. I know you've all been waiting with bated breath!

Mother's Day was mostly fun. Firstborn made me a beautiful present at school and put it in a homemade envelope with a picture of a city on it. The city had an Empire State Building, a Lego factory and a thrift store. That's our kind of city! The Captain made me breakfast in bed, with the delightful added touch of leaving all the dirty dishes in the sink for me to take care of when I got up. After a nice day and a delicious dinner, the Captain got the phone call telling him to get his uniform on and get to work because the army was being deployed to deal with the emergency flooding situation happening in our province at the moment. We haven't seen him since!

Rosemary's Baby and I made what will hopefully be our LAST trip to the Children's Hospital in the big city yesterday. The ongoing assessments were starting to get to be a little too much, considering it's a 2-hour drive each way, and no one has yet told me anything I didn't already know about my kid. We still have a loooooong way to go, but our pediatrician is comfortable with our regular program provider taking over at this point. On the one hand, this means less driving to the big city. On the other hand, it means I'll need to come up with some new excuses to go there in order to still make regular visits to the huge Value Village...

I've been giving my blogging slump a little thought and I might have things figured out. Do any of you find your New Year's Resolutions go off the rails by May? Obviously, I'm asking this of the six of you whose resolutions didn't go off the rails by January 3rd. I did well at keeping it simple until about the end of March and then things started getting away from me. Here's an example of what keeping it simple does NOT look like:

Multiple trips to the big city to attend appointments we don't need.
Signing up to participate in umpteen autism studies on Saturdays because research is important.
Filling my closet up with deals and steals from Value Village and Old Navy, despite the fact that I spend every day in jeans and a sweatshirt.
Two trips a week 30 minutes down the road to take Firstborn to martial arts class.
Someone in my house working with Rosemary's Baby 6 hours a day 5 days a week.
And so on, and so forth...

I think all these extras are pulling me away from things I want to be doing, like visiting my blog pals (I owe a few of you a comment--bear with me) and airing our dirty laundry for all the world to see, via my own blog. Obviously not all these things can be eliminated from my life. But RB's therapy and Firstborn's Taekwon-Do class are the only things I'm committing to from now on. Not filling up my closet is going to be hard. But I did some basic sixth-grade math a while back and realized that I have enough combinations of tops, bottoms and dresses that I could dress myself for more than 5 years and never wear the same outfit twice! Considering I have what I think is a pretty average-sized wardrobe, this is absolutely shocking. In a world where children are starving, it's a shameful "problem" to have. Thrifting is a fun and cheap hobby, but I'm going to have to cut down. Maybe not being able to go to the big VV in the city isn't such a bad thing after all.

And that's going to have to be it for this rainy, grey Tuesday. RB's program continues as always, and my house looks like a bomb hit it. A poop bomb. Off to scrub the bathroom!

Staycation, All I Ever Wanted

2011-05-05T06:10:00.000-07:00

For a brief time this spring, we were playing with the idea of taking a road trip home to the armpit of Ontario during Rosemary's Baby's 2-week break from therapy in July. But then something struck us as...interesting.

In almost 14 years of marriage, the Captain and I have had exactly two vacations that have not involved visiting family. Both of those vacations were road trips, and neither of them lasted more than 3 days. One of them was our "honeymoon".

We are the ones who have moved away. So I do recognize that we need to make the effort to see people from time to time. However, should our first thought every time a vacation period presents itself be to drive all over hell's half-acre fulfilling family obligations? Plenty of other members of our family are smart enough to recognize that they need a trip to a tropical island, or a cruise, or a weekend in the big city from time to time. Why on earth have we gotten into the mindset that we can't do that?!

As we let this thought sink in, another one popped up, and this one was the final nail in the coffin of our road-trip plan.

FREAKING RIDICULOUS GAS PRICES!

The Captain sat down and did a little math on the cost of food and hotels to and from our destination, the price of boarding the dogs and cat while we're away (not to mention the extra vaccines they'd all need to stay at the kennel), and the amount of gas we'd use in the process. We were looking at a minimum $1500 road trip. We could go to Disney for that!!!

Granted, rummaging through my mother's baking cupboards and making creative desserts with all those cake mixes she buys that I don't still sounds like more fun to me than being hugged by a mute in a giant Goofy costume, but $1500 is a lot of money.

So after a bit of discussion, we've decided that this year our best bet is to plan a staycation.

A staycation is a tricky thing though. If we don't want to end up cleaning out the garage and doing laundry the whole time and regretting not going somewhere, we need to plan this thing like tourists with guide books and fanny packs. So I'm doing my research now.

So far, we have a day trip to the big city planned, complete with a visit to the zoo, lunch and a bit of light shopping. We'll have a trip to Booming Metropolis for more family fun (ie. NOT grocery shopping), a nearby small-town festival to visit, and a morning at the park for some beach time and a hike. Barbecues, bonfires and a backyard camp-out will be going on the calendar to keep us accountable, as will a trip to the drive-in movie. I will buy a souvenir, just like I would on vacation, and we'll eat burgers and ice cream. "Staycation" is going to become a synonym for "fun".

If any of you out there have had a successful staycation and have any tips or ideas for me, I'd love to hear them. I'm on a mission to enjoy a holiday at home even more than a road trip to see my in-laws.

I'd make a joke about that, but come on. Fish in a barrel.

My Fellow Canadians

2011-05-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

Mojo slowly returning... Snow almost gone....

Just wanted to remind all my Canadian blog pals that today is Election Day here in Canada. Get out there and vote!

I actually voted in the advance polls, and my vote didn't count one bit because I disagree with most other people in my riding. But voting affords you one of life's most important rights: the right to bitch about the government!

I was going to post a handy voting guide for those who are still undecided, but everything I had to say was mean-spirited and ended up back at Stephen Harper looking like the guy from the Play-Doh Mop Top Hair Shop right after I gave him that perm helmet. Apparently, I should be writing the campaign ads next time, since most of the ones I saw and heard operated at about that same level of maturity.

So, you're on your own. Do your part and vote your conscience. May the best candidate win, and may tomorrow be a new day for Canada!

Let the bitching begin.

The $lump Continue$

2011-04-23T04:07:00.000-07:00

I'm still not feeling the blogging muse. I fear I've run out of things to say! But I'll give it a little more time. The sun is said to be coming out tomorrow and we'll be having some double-digit temperatures (for my American friends, that means we might hit 60--woo hoo!). It's sure to improve my mindset and concentration. I hope so, because lately all I've wanted to do is bake cakes. Blogging is much better for my waistline.

In the meantime, here's a picture of Anakin making himself right at home:

It's really no wonder I can't get my "S" key to work properly.

And since my last post, we've had less snow in our area, and an awful lot of flooding. We're lucky to be high enough that our basement has remained dry and intact, unlike many houses around these parts. But we haven't escaped the water entirely.

This is a picture of my kids having fun at the lake. Oh wait. No, that's not the lake. That's our VEGETABLE PATCH! Spring in Manitoba is always a grand adventure.

But of course there's also a bright side. This week, I decided the communal black wellies (3 sizes too big for me so they'd fit the Captain too) were no longer going to cut it, and I ordered myself a pair of these.

Bring on the mud puddles!

Happy Easter to those who celebrate it. And to those who don't, enjoy your weekend. Off to check the lottery numbers!

Spring Has Spru...Aw Crap!!

2011-04-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

In case you're wondering where the heck I've been, I'm going through another of my blogging slumps. Let's see if you can figure out why!

Here are some shots I took from my front door about 5 minutes ago:

If you're having trouble figuring all that white fuzziness out, I'll give you a hint. It's snow! It's April 15th and after nearly 6 months of winter and a decent spring thaw, it's started SNOWING again! And there's more in the forecast!

Please excuse me. I'm off to stick my head in the oven...

Autism Awareness

2011-04-02T04:22:00.000-07:00

April 2nd is World Autism Awareness Day!

It's interesting to see how far we've come since this time last year. On Autism Awareness Day 2010, I was wearing a button that read "Someone I Love Needs a Cure". I still have half a bag of those buttons floating around here someplace, but I don't want them anymore.

Firstborn's Asperger's diagnosis in August, which seemed silly and unnecessary at the time (he's so mild, only those very familiar with autism would ever recognize the signs), has been a huge eye-opener for me.

While Rosemary's Baby has symptoms (namely the language issue) that need serious, intensive intervention, Firstborn has quirks. When I was growing up in the 70's and 80's, a kid like Firstborn would just be labelled a "nerd". Certainly, he has a few issues that need a bit of smoothing out. He's disorganized (no IDEA where he picked THAT up...). His ability to explain things verbally is a little jumbled. He still refuses to wear shirts with buttons, or pants with anything but an elastic waist. These are things I can live with. He's a scatterbrained nutty professor in a 7 year-old's body. That oddball personality is not something I want to see "cured". It makes him who he is and I'd miss it if it wasn't there anymore.

What I do still need is lots of research, more therapies and more available services for all people on the spectrum. I'd like to see ALL children helped to a point where they can eventually live an independent life. I'd like that to be a guarantee. But a cure? Meh. It's just not that important to me anymore.

I was remembering recently a comment from a girl I worked with in the fast-food industry when I was a student. This particular burger chain employed people from a local Community Living program to clean tables and whatnot. One afternoon, one of those employees, a girl with Down Syndrome, was just getting off shift. As she headed out the door, one of the other girls working the till turned to me and said:

"I feel so sorry for her. Really, what kind of a LIFE is that?"

At the time, I shrugged my shoulders and went about my business. I didn't really have much of an opinion either way on the subject. But now that I have my own child with special needs, I do have an opinion. And this is it:

Who the #*%! did that chick think she was?!!

It's easy as a neuro-typical person to look at people with disabilities and differences with pity and to think of them as being somehow less. God knows, my initial reaction when I realized I didn't have a "normal" kid was one of grief. But if any good has come from this situation for me, it's that I no longer see the world the way I used to.

Without exception, the nastiest, most mean-spirited people I have ever known have all been neuro-typical. By contrast, some of the sweetest, most sensitive and caring children I've ever worked with were ones with disabilities. Many of the brightest minds of our time (and probably throughout history too) are ones that are considered disabled. Every person, regardless of ability, has a contribution to make on this planet.

This year, I ordered something different to stick on my jacket--something that expresses my feelings about autism better than those old "cure" buttons:

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm Zen!

2011-03-30T17:43:00.000-07:00

About the best thing that's happened this year so far is that my brilliant husband figured out how to turn off the comment section on cbc.ca. So now I can keep abreast of what's going on in my country (What? There's an election?!) without having to see other people's crazy opinions on the stories. It's almost like reading the newspaper! Checking the daily headlines used to be so stressful. All those twits spewing their right, left, or squarely-in-the-middle political opinions in the dumbest, angriest way possible drove me nuts. Sometimes someone would say something so stupidly provocative that I would then join them in spewing my own insane rhetoric. But those days are over. Now I can use all that extra time to check out the latest news on Charlie Sheen. The world is returned to order!

It's spring break here and the temperatures are finally hitting just above the freezing point. My driveway is a slushy mess and my dogs are leaving their muddy paw prints all over the house. Now that I can safely drive again on a regular basis, I've decided it's time to get Firstborn out of the house and into something that doesn't involve a Wii controller.

Firstborn has shown some interest in martial arts, and he could use a little help with his coordination, so a couple of weeks ago, I looked up what's available in our area. When I saw what was involved, and that the class was open to all ages, I made a sudden crazy decision. Firstborn and I were going to take Taekwon-Do TOGETHER!

Firstborn was very enthusiastic about this idea (he's still at the age where I'm not completely embarrassing, apparently) so I contacted the school and was told to go to the class this past Monday to see if we liked it. When I got there, it became immediately apparent that things were not going to go the way I'd hoped. In this particular class, the only person in the room over the age of 12 was the instructor! I had to break it to Firstborn that there was no way I could take this class with him. Sparring with the elementary school set could only be a lose-lose situation for me. In addition to being the only creepy grownup in the class, I'd either have to get beaten up by a pre-teen, or be the one doing the beating-up. AWKWARD! Thankfully, my kid's adaptable. He's already made a friend in class without me there to weird everybody out.

And every cloud has a silver lining. As disappointed as I am not to be taking martial arts, there are other options. The class is held at the base gym, so I'll have an hour and a half to kill twice a week in a place where the only thing to do is get my pudgy butt on the treadmill or into the pool. Well, I guess I could go across the street for ice cream, but even I know an opportunity when I see it, so I'll limit the ice cream runs to no more than once every fortnight.

So, in short, my blood pressure is down from not having to read the crazy opinions of my fellow Canadians, AND I have a good excuse to get myself moving twice a week.

Take that, heart disease!

Warning: Nothing But Thrift Pictures!

2011-03-24T07:23:00.001-07:00

I apologize for what you're about to see. If my double life as a rabid thrifter doesn't leave you on the edge of your seat, wondering daily what exciting new finds I've come across in the back corner of some grimy second-hand store, you have my blessing to stop reading right now and move onto worthier pursuits. And I promise my next post will make no mention of thrifting.

The Captain is home, and we haven't killed each other yet!

For those of you not familiar with my take on the military reunion, this is excellent news. The movies will have you believe that reuniting with your personal GI Joe after a long separation is all kisses and romance and bliss. That's just a big fat lie. He spent the last ten weeks living a structured, regimented army existence with no family distractions. We spent the last ten weeks developing less-than-structured routines that don't involve having a man about the house. Then suddenly, we were all thrown together again to reorganize ourselves and fit each other in. Humans are, at their core, creatures of habit, and we don't want to reorganize anything. We like things just the way they are, thanks very much. This creates low-level melodrama of the quit-getting-under-my-feet-and-annoying-me variety. So we bicker and rip our hair out until we get used to it again.

That, my friends, is military life in a nutshell.

On the plus side, the Captain knows me well enough to realize that a trip around Value Village before heading home from the airport would ease the transition a little. Combined with the Value Village run I did in Booming Metropolis last month, my closet is starting to bulge. Here's the damage:

Light, floaty top originally from Cleo for $7. Added my own belt for that all-important not-pregnant look. This is the only shot I managed to get of me wearing any of it. But you're an imaginative bunch. You'll get the idea.

Skirts! How I've missed you! The one on the left is Gap, the next one was some brand I'd never heard of, and it was originally a dress that didn't suit me, so I cut it up and made it work. The two on the right are from Cleo. All were around $7.

I'm told a chambray shirt is the thing to have this spring. We'll see how that works out for me. The tunic on the right is actually a bright, gorgeous pink with sequins and beads all around the neck. I tried umpteen times to get a good picture. This was the best I got. $7 each.

Pants that fit! The cargo capris in the middle unsnap to become full-length pants. So handy! The grey pants on the right go gorgeously with my new shoes, below. $8 apiece.

These were actually not thrifty at all. Reasonable, yes. But not thrifty. I ordered these online as a reward for finishing my dining room walls. They go with all my new-to-me clothes.

As you may be able to tell, I'm at a point where all I want to do is float around in loose floral-print tops, skirts and sandals. Buying all this stuff is my way of trying to usher in spring. Tell me, I won't have to wait too much longer...

For those of you who kindly read all the way to the bottom of this post, despite not being the least bit interested in my ongoing treasure hunt, here's a picture of my cat going bananas after I opened a window for the first time since October:

"Let me out! Let me out!"

I defy you to walk into a room full of people and find one who is not either enthralled with thrifting, or enthralled with cats.

Just humour me, people. It's been a loooooong winter.

The Luck Of The Irish

2011-03-16T06:19:00.000-07:00

As far as I know, I do not even have 1% Irish in me. The last time I looked into it, I found that I was 99.9% English with, I think, a tiny smidge of Scottish if you go back far enough. This, however, does not stop me from going hog wild on St Patrick's Day. I already have the beef marinating for my Steak and Guinness Pie tomorrow.

This year, it seems I've cashed in all those lucky four-leafed clovers I found out back as a kid. In just over a year, I have won no less than FOUR blog giveaways! Blogging is turning out to be better than the lottery!

Two of those giveaways I won this month within a week of each other. A big thanks to Nezzy for the fantastic $40 gift code at CSN Stores, which I gave to my overworked mom who has been playing nursemaid to my dad after his knee replacement surgery. At the risk of making a sweeping generalization, anyone with a man around the house knows what it's like to look after them when they're under the weather. Am I right?! My mom deserved a treat, and that $40 gift code came at just the right time!

And yesterday, I received this in the mail from Janine:

Obviously, it was painful to have to rip open something so pretty, but I forced myself to do it, and found this stamp set inside:

Janine knows me well. If there's one thing I can use this year, it's an incentive to get my Christmas cards made! I won this for successfully guessing where Janine spent a week in the sun. Frankly, I can't tell Jamaica from Mexico from Italy (I really do need to get out more...), but somehow I guessed correctly and won! I'd have preferred it if Janine had just taken me to Jamaica with her, but I have to admit, now that things are getting slushy and more bearable here, this fantastic stamp set was a much more practical choice!

I think from here on out, I'm going to give the giveaways a miss only because I don't think it's fair that I keep winning, and I want to give someone else a chance. Did you ever see those two guys on that lottery commercial who had each won a million bucks and were competing to see who could be the first to win a second time? I wanted to give them both a slap and tell them to be thankful they'd won at all and to let someone else share the wealth! And that's how I feel every time I'm tempted to enter a giveaway now. So I'm passing on the luck of the Irish to all my blog buddies. Go out there and win something, people! I'm not going to stand in your way!

Before and After #2

2011-03-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

Today I have a Before and After of a completely different nature.

About a month ago, I took a treacherous drive down the highway in a snow storm to pick up my mail and stop in my teeny town's little thrift store. Unfortunately, I had my kids there to distract me from rummaging, so the whole thing was a bit of a non-event. Except for one thing. Sticking out of a rack, in the middle of the aisle was a wool coat in the colour all my daytime TV shows/magazines/style blogs have been raving about: camel. Well, more of a light beige really. But close enough.

The sign on the wall said that all coats were $5, but when I got to the counter, the lady (who knows me well by now) told me that winter coats were on for half price. I paid $2.50. SCORE!

I could see when I bought the coat that it was going to need a little work. And in my haste at getting the ball rolling, I forgot to take a proper before picture, so I'm going to have to describe things to you as best I can. This coat had clearly belonged to someone's grandma, circa 1976. It was about three sizes too big, came halfway down my calves, had massive bell-shaped sleeves and a ridiculously ugly triangular buckle-detail at each cuff. The "skirt" of the coat billowed out like a ball gown. A smaller-framed girl could probably have pulled the look off (minus those god-awful plastic buckles) and looked cute and retro. It just made me look like a big angry bear searching for food. Oh, and the rust-coloured lining was so threadbare and full of holes, that was absolutely shot as well.

So I got the thing home, removed the offending sleeve-buckles and promptly threw it in the washing machine, and then the dryer (NEVER a recommended treatment for a wool coat) because I figured I could give it a good cleaning and shrink it down a bit at the same time. Mission accomplished--it shrunk considerably. This is what it looked like after cleaning:

Not TOO bad, right? Admittedly, my facial expression and fuzzy slippers do nothing to improve the look. But take note: the sleeves shrunk so badly, I had to pull them hard to get them to reach my wrists. The whole thing was still a bit too swingy and loose for my top-heavy frame, and those cheap plastic buttons had to go.

Over the following weekend, I cut and shaped and re-lined and abused my sewing machine until the coat looked pretty much as good as it was going to get. I shortened it to hit above the knee and used the excess fabric to lengthen the sleeves. I ordered some fancy new buttons online (adding $10.50 to the cost--yikes! I need to stock up on some nice emergency buttons for next time.) and here is the end result:

A bit of creative seaming on the sides and back took things in enough to not swallow me up.

I used some fabric my mom gave me to re-line the whole thing, pockets and all. Very Burberry, no?! Thanks, Mum!

Coat done up, with new buttons (they are actually all the same colour--I had a heck of a time getting a good after shot with the lighting in my dining room). I only added 4 because I never intend to do the thing right up to my neck. I wish I could do something about those extra buttonholes though. I may re-think the button situation later, but that's an easy enough fix.

This coat isn't quite as flattering as the new, fitted Anne Klein one I bought last winter for $120, and the wool is a little itchy at the neck, but at a total cost of $13, I really can't complain. It's warm!

Look forward to yet another post on my recent thrift finds next week (try not to faint from excitement). The Captain has also promised me a spree at the big Value Village in the city after I pick him up from the airport on Saturday. I fear I am becoming a serious thrifter. But I figure hoarding issues always make for great blog fodder, so really this is a win-win situation.

Happy Sunday! Spring IS just around the corner...right?!

Before and After #1

2011-03-11T13:17:00.000-08:00

I've been neglecting my all-encompassing blog duties in order to work on a long-overdue home improvement job. Over the last few weeks I've been putting my kids to bed and then spending an hour or two every evening working on my dining room. The most important lesson I've learned in all this is that in my next life, I need to come back as a rich person. That way, I can sip margaritas on a beach in the Caribbean while someone else does all the hard work back at the mansion.

After stripping off about 4 layers of painted-over wallpaper, some of it with raised black velvet swirly patterns on it, this is what we had to work with:

And the after pics:

It became apparent pretty quickly that I am no drywaller. My seam work was atrocious, so I believed the folks at Home Depot when they claimed I could hide all manner of ugly with some popcorn texture paint and a special roller. I have never made such a mess in all my life. But believe it or not, this disaster actually looks better than my "smooth" ceiling. That said, I'd never, ever do it again, and I would not recommend it to a friend.

Because of the big, bright south-facing window, we picked a dark red for the walls. I thought it'd be a good idea to try it out on the primer first, just to make sure I liked it. And also to drop the Captain a subtle hint.

The walls were in bad shape, and my attempts at smoothing them out were not wholly successful, but the dark colour hides a lot. At night, when there's no glare, the finish almost looks professional! Almost.

Obviously, the work is not finished. When the Captain comes home (NEXT WEEK!!!), we're going to get some nice big white moldings up to make the wall colour pop, and we'll be putting laminate down for that classy hardwood-but-not-really look.

Speaking of which, it's time to start patching the dents in the sub-floor. Groan. There'd better be a pair of shoes in this for me.

In Like a Lion!

2011-03-03T16:49:00.000-08:00

Happy Anniversary, Mum and Dad!

Photo courtesy of my Uncle Dave.

It's March 3rd and I'm already behind!

First, a quick resolution check-in. For the first half of February, my New Year's Resolution to keep it simple went right off the rails. Unless you think sitting around whining about how much I need a tropical vacation counts as keeping it simple. Because that's all I did. That, and eat junk.

Mid-month I gave myself a mental slap in the face and decided to get my you-know-what together. That doesn't mean I've stopped telling anyone who will listen that I need a week in the southern U.S. to get me through the rest of this rotten winter. Frankly, I think the dogs are sick of hearing it. But I did save more money this month by not shopping at any mega-super-colossal-centres, and I got back to my plan to do just a little work every night on the dining room. As of last night, the ceiling is finished (though I'm thinking of adding a coat of textured paint to hide my terrible plastering job) and the walls are primed. Pretty soon, I may have before-and-after pictures to share. Stay tuned!

Rosemary's Baby's therapy wasn't going so well today. He was just having an off day, stimming more than usual and really unfocused. When this happens, I have a method. First, I worry incessantly about what could've happened to cause it. Is the paint smell in the dining room stronger for him than it is for the rest of us? Can he feel some sort of air pressure change that we don't know about yet? Did he eat a pretzel when I wasn't looking?

Then, when I've spent a respectable amount of time fretting over something I clearly can't control, I decide it's time to make the best of the situation and help the kid out. So at this point, his tutor and I let him have a little sensory integration fun. Since this dining room job started, there's been a big bucket of drywall compound sitting in the middle of the room and I've been chasing him away from it constantly. Today we let him have a little tub of it to play with on a piece of cardboard at the table. Here are the completely predictable results:

Playing with drywall mud is serious business.

It was at about this time that the hand-flapping started...

...resulting in this. But all over the house.

I'll spend this evening scraping up dry chunks of plaster off of every surface in the house. I think we can all agree, I have no one but myself to blame.

Awards and Flowers

2011-02-26T07:09:00.000-08:00

Firstly, a big (belated) thank you to Glenda for this lovely award:

My blog is a thing of beauty! I'm betting she wasn't thinking about how often I refer to poop incidents when she gave it to me...

In accepting this award, I have to tell you five things about me, one of which must be about my particular craft. I'm a bit schizophrenic in my crafting and I actually have five crafts. So I'll tell you one thing about each.

Sewing: A week ago, I had enough fabric in my sewing room to last me until five years after I die. This past week, my mum sent me another giant box full of beautiful fabric (thanks, Mum!). Despite this, I still somehow feel tempted to go to Fabricland next weekend and check out the sales...

Knitting: I learned to knit when I was 7, took a break from it in my teens (when it really wasn't cool) and took it back up in my mid-20's. This year, I'm hoping to sell knitted toys at the Christmas craft sales.

Crochet: It's easier than knitting and if I'm motivated I can have a whole scarf done in an evening. There is seriously nothing better in life than getting a compliment on something you're wearing, and casually replying "Gosh, thanks. It's just something I whipped up one night while watching TV."

Cards: I tried scrapbooking, and that was just too much of a commitment. But cards are a great instant-gratification craft. With the exception of this past Christmas when things got a little crazy, I never send store-bought cards anymore. For anyone who wants to try getting into crafting, this is the one to try first!

Jewellery: This is the next craft I'd recommend to a newbie. It requires slightly more small motor dexterity than card making, but once you get the hang of that, it's quick and easy. I can make myself a new pair of earrings in under 5 minutes. Which is kind of dangerous, really...

On another note, is anyone else overdosing on everything flower-related right now? Maybe it's because we still have four feet of snow, or because with the wind chill our temperatures dropped as low as minus 49 degrees Celsius yesterday. Even the dogs don't want to stay out there for longer than it takes to get their business done. So every time I see anything with a flower-print on it in a magazine, or online, I can't look away.

I've never been someone who likes to receive roses from a man. Roses die. I'd rather have a new pair of shoes. But at this time of year, I start thinking about going to the flower shop and buying huge bunches of whatever's available and putting vases full of bouquets all over the house. Clearly I'm DYING for spring to arrive!

I'm thinking maybe it's time I started embracing my inner hippie and wearing more floaty floral stuff like this pretty top:

Image swiped from overstock.com

Of course, stuffed under two fleece sweaters and a parka, I'm pretty sure something would be lost in the execution.

Happy weekend, bloggies! It might be cold, and my kid might still get up at 5:30, but the weekend is the one thing I always have to look forward to. And that's a gift!

The Inconvenient, the "Talk", and the Oscars

2011-02-23T16:41:00.000-08:00

My stupid engine light is on again. I'm 90% sure it's just the same minor problem that set it off last summer, but the 10% of me that expects the car to suddenly blow up halfway down the highway won't let me skip taking it in. So now I have to try to work that around RB's therapy.

I also have to work a dental appointment or two around therapy. Turns out, if you have a special needs kid out here who may not lay willingly in a dentist's chair with his mouth open for an exam, you have to do a 4-hour round-trip to see a pediatric dentist at the children's hospital who can put him under general anaesthetic. But first you have to do that same 4-hour trip for a "consultation". If it wasn't for the abundance of thrift stores in the city, I'd probably just give the kid a popsicle and a spoonful of tylenol, and pull all his teeth myself.

***

That recent discussion Firstborn and I had on feline reproduction should've served as a warning of what was to come. Today, on the way home from the grocery store (which is really so much better than still being IN the grocery store), he asked me point-blank to explain exactly how babies get into their moms' tummies. I started with my usual references to the stuff he already knows, and when he asked me to clarify a few points, I did. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say, there was a full five minutes of hysterical laughter when he learned which body parts are involved.

I know not everyone thinks it's okay to teach this stuff to a 7 year-old, but I tend to follow the logic that if he's old enough to ask, he's old enough to know--within reason, of course. I learned how reproduction works by overhearing some girls at school talking about it when I was TEN. That's not a diss on my parents or on the school system. Back then, lots of kids asked that question of the grownups in their lives and got a smirk and a "never you mind!" just like I did. I'm sure my grandparents' generation wasn't even allowed to ask such a shocking question at all. But five years of teaching human sexuality to giggling, clueless 12 year-olds really drove home for me the need not to carry that age-old shame and embarrassment into the future. When my kid asks me a question--any question--he will get a respectful, straightforward answer, not a brush-off that makes him feel like he did something stupid by asking.

For those concerned though, rest assured we also had a serious talk about him not passing this information on to anyone else at school. Because being the mom in our small town who inadvertently "educated" the entire second grade is NOT what I'm hoping to be remembered for...

***

And finally, I am setting aside my Royal Wedding Fever this week and embracing Oscar Fever! I have to admit, before Sunday, I had only seen one of the films nominated, and that was Toy Story 3. Technically, that's one more than I'd seen by the time the Oscars rolled around last year, and watching an awards show when you don't know a thing about any of the content is pretty boring. So I'm taking this week to bone up a little.

The first film I watched (and anyone who knows me will already have guessed) was The King's Speech. Period fashion, fascinating story, characters you root for right to the bitter end, and Colin Firth with a smattering of Guy Pearce. What's NOT to love about this movie?! I already know that no matter how good the other films are, I want this one to win. More importantly, I want Colin Firth to win. And also to announce in his acceptance speech that I'm the woman of his dreams. It's really not that much to ask.

Last night, I watched Black Swan. It was melodramatic and visually gorgeous--right up my alley! The acting was impressive, the writing certainly competent. It didn't stay with me afterwards like The King's Speech did, but in its own way it packed a hearty punch. I'd recommend it to a friend.

Tonight, I'm hoping my kids will settle down early so I can see The Social Network. I realize at this point that I'm not going to be able to see every film nominated, but at least I'll have a clue who a few of the actors are when they walk down the red carpet on Sunday. More importantly, it's good to see some great film.

Happy Wednesday, everyone. We're over the hump!

Adventures in Thrifting

2011-02-18T09:25:00.000-08:00

One of the great things about blogging is that I've met a huge number of people who, like me, completely get the addictive, hypnotic allure of rummaging through other people's old junk.

I am a thrifter. I came to it fairly late in life. At the age of 29, when I was pregnant with Firstborn and knew we'd soon be losing a good $50,000 a year in income, I decided it might be a good idea to try to figure out why the parking lots at all those consignment and thrift stores were always so chock-full. One trip to Value Village was all it took. And when we moved to Montreal, and the Village des Valeurs looked more like a really good day at Winners (at about an eighth of the price), there was no turning back.

These days, I'm not picky. Garage sales, thrift stores and ebay are all great thrifting sources. I love hitting the big city for a good thrift. But my tiny town has its own little second-hand store, and when I have the time and freedom (ie. when Rosemary's Baby is home with his father, and not tearing through the place like a little hurricane) to really search through the clutter, there is always a gem or two to be found, and at the absolute lowest prices. For example:

This military-inspired jacket was hanging on the plus-size rack. It claimed to be an XL and I'm usually a medium, but when I tried it on, though roomy, it wasn't huge, and the length was just right. This is a good example of a situation where you can't let vanity get in the way of a good bargain. I took it home, nipped it in just slightly at the waist with my sewing machine, removed the epaulettes (with my huge shoulders, I looked like a quarterback going off to basic training), and voila! A cute jacket for spring! Cost: $2.

Thrifting is also a good way to get labels you can't afford to buy new. I follow a lot of style blogs, and I've noticed that many people get their designer stuff this way. I certainly won't turn my nose up at couture if I can find it (though here in Manitoba, I can't), but things are a little more down-home in my world. When I talk about getting labels I can't afford in real life, I'm talking about labels that came from anywhere but Wal-Mart.

These shirts were $8 apiece, all at Value Village.

This one is from Cleo. In my 20's when I still frequented the mall, I wrote off Cleo--conservative and too expensive for my liking--as a place for a greying middle-aged woman. Apparently, I am now that middle-aged woman, because I suddenly love everything they sell. I'm estimating its original retail value in the $50 range.

This one is from Talbots (estimating about $60 originally), and required a little taking-in at the waist as well.

This is my favourite, and is from Banana Republic (originally in the $75 range).

All these shirts were barely worn when I bought them, are really comfortable and have a good amount of stretch to them, which is key for me, since I suffer from Chris Farley's fat guy in a little coat syndrome--big arms, big boobs. Combine that with a stiff shirt, and you have the recipe for feeling like you're in a straight jacket.

As fun as it is to know that the shirt I'm wearing is a good brand that I couldn't normally afford, I actually don't care much about labels. I'm not really one for wearing a brand across my chest, and I'm hardly going to walk around town pointing to my clothes and announcing "Banana Republic!" unless I'm specifically looking for a punch in the face. So, more often than not, it's actually not the label that grabs me.

This cardigan (please ignore the bunching shirt. My attention to detail is appalling) first caught my attention because it was grey, and I happened to be in the market for a grey cardigan (I'm wild like that). It also looked good and thick, which is a bonus in the prairies in February. When I touched it, my thrifty radar went into overdrive. A quick peek at the label didn't tell me anything about who made it--it was a brand I'd never heard of--but it did explain that gorgeous softness. It was 80% silk, and cost $8. Score! I took it home and removed the pockets (because I have a frame that seriously cannot handle any extra bulk from the hips up), and now I have a cardigan that is an absolute workhorse in my wardrobe.

I could go on about this all day. I wish there was a job called "Professional Thrift Artist" because I'd apply for that position in a heartbeat! I actually have another awesome thrift find to share but I'm not finished DIY-ing it, so I'll save that for another post.

One quick note: if you're interested in getting out there and searching for great second-hand stuff of the fashionable variety, do always tie off your plastic shopping bag as soon as you get in the car, and either put your stuff first through a hot dry cycle for 30 minutes, or a hot wash to kill anything nasty that might be lurking in the fibres. Apparently freezing your stuff overnight works too. Sorry to be such a killjoy, but you know what's even more of a killjoy? Bedbugs. Yuck!

Happy thrifting, fellow thrifters!

A Little Dusty

2011-02-16T17:07:00.000-08:00

I hope no one's feeling ignored by my absence from your blogs. I'm getting a little behind here, and this is the reason:

My dining room ceiling is FINALLY sanded. Well, at least the first layer is. It's clear I'm going to have to slap another layer up there and sand that too before I can start the priming and painting. What's also clear is that the Captain is going to be buying me a new pair of shoes for leaving me to tackle this on my own. Expensive ones!

Tonight, I'm going to scrub all the drywall dust off me, have a cup of tea and relax in front of the TV. Tomorrow, I'm going blog-hopping.

See you all soon!

Thanks...

2011-02-12T06:40:00.000-08:00

Gosh, there are just so many people to thank today, the only day in the next ten that I didn't have to set my alarm to go off at the crack of dawn.

First, a big thanks to the Captain for drunk texting me at 1AM on the only night I've ever forgotten to turn off my phone. (Not something he makes a habit of, but still...)

Thanks so much to Rosemary's Baby, who did sleep through the night, but then ruined it by jumping on me buck-naked at 6AM sharp.

And a final thanks to my dog for finding the only 100 square foot spot in the house that still has carpet, and barfing all over it.

Here's to Saturday mornings!

TGIF!

2011-02-11T07:08:00.000-08:00

Finally, a break from the arctic temperatures! It's going to hit a balmy minus 3 (celsius) today! As my mother pointed out a week or so back, it's a poor show when it has to warm up so you can go out and make a snowman! But I'll be taking advantage and getting myself some much-needed fresh air this afternoon!

Things are a little random here today. I have some thrifty finds to share with you in the near future, when I can get some pictures together. And tomorrow we hit the halfway point on the Captain's course. We're almost done!

I'm debating what to do for Valentine's Day this year. Usually, if the Captain is away for a gift-giving holiday (not that we've ever put that much importance on the Hallmark Holidays), I'd buy myself a little cheap-and-cheerful trinket. At present, we've been trying to tighten the belt, so it seems a bit wasteful. And since I'm trying to literally tighten my own belt as well, making cupcakes or chocolates seems like a depressive episode waiting to happen! I'm thinking whatever I do, it should revolve somehow around the kids. After all, who do I love more than them?!

So that's why I haven't been around for a few days. There have been no car chases, no explosions and no titillating scandals to share whatsoever! But stay tuned for my thrifting news. I'd take a good thrift find over a scandal any day of the week!

Happy Friday, blog pals!

Life's Too Short

2011-02-02T06:52:00.001-08:00

The older I get, the faster the time goes. It seems like it was only last week I was pushing Firstborn around in a stroller. Now he's in second grade, waiting for his first adult front tooth to come in. If things keep speeding along like this, I'll be raising hell at the old folks' home and needing a hip replacement before I know it.

With this in mind, I've compiled a list of standards I like to keep in mind in my everyday life. I call it my Life's Too Short list.

Life's too short to always cheap out: Frugality definitely has its place. I can't tell the difference between store brand and name brand spaghetti. I am very happy with the quality of my Joe Fresh cotton t-shirts, so paying triple for Banana Republic doesn't make sense to me. But there are some areas where saving money for the sake of it just adds irritation to my life. Shoes that make my feet hurt or ruin my knees are not worth the $20, $50 or $100 I saved by buying them. Pens that are so cheap they explode all over my hands cost me precious time as I scrub off the ink and search around the house, irritated and cranky, for a non-exploding pen. Small luxuries go a long way.

Life's too short to eat uninspired meals: On average, we eat just over 1000 meals a year. That's not really all that much, so we should be making every one count. We all like a fast-food burger from time to time, and that's fine. But fueling up every night on frozen TV dinners, fat-free "ice cream" and processed junk is just a waste of a good opportunity. We can't live without food. Eating is one of the very few pleasurable experiences in life that's actually necessary. I'm taking advantage of that and making sure my meals are still mostly good for me, but also delicious. I may never achieve rock-hard abs, but I'm betting I won't lay on my deathbed wishing I had either.

Life's too short to wear uncomfortable clothes: Certain TV style gurus will have you believe that "comfort" is a dirty word. I beg to differ. I am no fashionista, but I'm interested enough in fashion to read the (ridiculous) magazines and follow some awesome style blogs for ideas. I wouldn't leave the house in my pyjamas or go shopping in baggy sweats. But no matter how fashionable, cute or perfect-for-me an article of clothing might be, if it has itchy tags, rides up, is made of scratchy fabric or is too tight, it stays at the store. Constantly tugging at your clothes, wiggling around in discomfort and pulling at wedgies is a sure way of taking that confident feeling of wearing something great and turning it into a fashion faux pas.

Life's too short to watch mediocre TV: When I was a student, I'd often find myself plonked in front of the TV in the middle of the afternoon, goggling in horror as some fool, wearing the acid-wash and slicked-back mullet he usually reserved for church, took his rightful place on Jerry Springer's stage to inform his wife of 4 weeks, in the most inappropriate way possible, that he'd been having an affair in the back seat of his 1983 Camaro with her sister. And also her mom. And I wouldn't change the channel until all the chairs they were sitting on had been thrown at each other, and Jerry had capped the whole thing off with some melodramatic words of redneck wisdom. I dread to think how many hours of my life I lost taking in that rubbish. These days I choose very carefully the TV that gets my time and attention, and this is obviously a personal opinion issue that would be different for everyone. For me, the silver lining in Charlie Sheen's abrupt return to rehab is that one of the most overhyped and unfunny shows on television is on indefinite hiatus. Give me a good HBO drama any day of the week.

The economy is still pretty lousy, and that can make it hard to remember that there are things in life that should sometimes take precedence over the rat race that is the basic fight for survival. Having a Life's Too Short list reminds me that I can't put a price on my time.

What's on your Life's Too Short list?

Resolution Check-In

2011-02-01T05:00:00.000-08:00

The New Year is officially one month old, so it's time to check in on how those resolutions are coming along. I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself, and I hope all of you out there are too!

My resolution this year was just to keep it simple. Here's how I managed to work that into my life in January:

Firstly, I opted to stay as close to home as possible. Since dropping the Captain off in the capital on January 4th, I have not set foot in a city at all. I did this because a trip to Booming Metropolis for me usually ends up looking like an episode of The Amazing Race, but without the beautiful backdrop. I tear around the city trying to squeeze in as many errands as I possibly can, spend hundreds of dollars, and return home with my blood pressure sky-high. As well, at this time of year, I have to worry about sliding right off the road on my way home. Staying local gives me cabin fever, no question. But it's much more relaxing. We have a grocery store, pharmacy, hardware store and a thrift store 7 minutes down the road. They're all tiny, but they do the job. Instead of shopping at big-box stores to save 18 cents on a can of beans, I stayed local and shopped the sales. And guess what happened? I saved almost $200 on my grocery bill this month and only put gas in the car once (it's still more than half-full!). Turns out when you shop somewhere that's a bit more expensive, but that also doesn't tempt you with housewares, electronics, and a full clothing section, you save money!

The second area I kept it simple was on my dining room renovation. This was hard for me. We've had our dining room stripped down to subfloor, drywall and plywood ceiling for longer than I'd like to admit, and I've had such a hard time getting anything done with it. The reason for this is that when I attempt any kind of home improvement, I always, always try to do way too much at once, get exhausted and frustrated and then abandon it for months. In January, I got the ball rolling by hiring someone to put drywall on the ceiling and a first coat of plaster on the seams. The rest was up to me. It's been slow-going, but I'm finally getting into the habit of taking a free ten minutes here and there to slap a little more drywall mud up. And this weekend, I finished my first coat and managed to sand a small corner. What a mess! But I don't want to quit yet, so I'm calling it progress!

And finally, exercise. Getting on the treadmill is a boring chore and it makes my knees hurt. Trying to do it when my kids are in bed, after a full day of playing single mom/dining room contractor is miserable, and an easy thing to talk myself out of. My simple solution? A minimum 30-minute game of Just Dance with Firstborn (he usually pushes me to keep going for 45) before bed. We have some fun together, and I swear I'm getting a better workout than on my sad little run/walk. My evening is suddenly free for other pursuits, and best of all, my pants are feeling less snug!

To keep myself in the mindset, I've pulled out a fun book I read last summer called "Entre Nous: A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl". I highly recommend it. No one simplifies life like the French!

So that's my first month of keeping it simple. January is my least favourite month of the year, and it's over. That alone is something to celebrate. Here's to keeping it simple in February!

Hang in there everyone. We get hearts and flowers and candy this month, and spring is just around the corner!!

My Raciest Post Ever

2011-01-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

Caution: This post contains some mild sexual content. Mostly involving cats. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Having taught Sex Ed to 6th graders in my former life, I am a firm believer in being open and honest with my kids and not making this subject taboo. So when Firstborn asks questions, I like to give him the basic information he's looking for without getting too in-depth, and without any embarrassment or secretiveness. This morning, we had the following conversation:

Firstborn: Can I have a cookie?

Me: It's 9AM, so no.

Firstborn: Mom, why did we get Anakin neutered?

Me: So he can't accidentally have babies with any girl cats.

Firstborn: How would he do that?

Me: (mom radar perking up and not wanting to say too much) Cats are mammals, so they have babies the same way we do. The dad helps the mom with it.

Firstborn: Oh, so the mom cat has an egg in her tummy and the dad cat has that other thing. What's that thing called again?

Me: Sperm.

Firstborn: Well, that dad cat must have to really shove that sperm in there because cats have LOTS of babies!

Me: (panic stricken and shooting coffee out of my nose) Let's have a cookie!!

Wishes

2011-01-25T14:33:00.000-08:00

Today there is a lot of buzz here about a local online discussion forum. Someone from the Booming Metropolis area started a new thread asking people to post their wishes, and asking those who could grant them to do so. The result has been quite fascinating.

Admittedly, in order to find the gems, you do have to sift through 70 pages of people asking for a wealthy benefactor to pay off their astronomical credit card debt, presumably so they can go right back out there and rack up some more. And there was also the middle-aged man who admitted that his wish was to have a couple of hot 20 year-olds come sit in a hot tub with him (in his defense, he did also want someone to come fix his wife's car. Husband of the Year!). Some of the posts, though, really tugged at the heart strings.

I wanted to cry for the out-of-work mother who didn't have enough money to cover the costs of her child's expensive prescription medication, and hug the dozens of people who pledged amounts large and small to ensure that this child continued to receive it. Ditto for the woman wanting to get out of an abusive relationship for the sake of her kids, and for the sheer number of people unemployed and just wanting to work, and those who were desperate to lose weight or quit smoking before it killed them. Reading through this stuff made me realize just how good I have it.

When I got to the post from someone who had lost the support of her entire family because she'd come out of the closet and just wanted a safe, private place to to marry her partner, I very nearly emailed the Captain and informed him that when he got home this spring, he'd be standing at the end of our driveway in his army boots, bouncing homophobic party-crashers while I walked around our ramshackle backyard in heels and a headset, barking orders at the caterers. Luckily (for the Captain. I am devastated), a couple of other people with acreages far closer to the city, and likely in far more appropriate condition for this fairy-tale event, had the same idea. It's probably for the best. When I imagine my dream nuptials, they don't usually involve wedding pictures with my dog pooping in the background, being down-wind of the sewage ejector, a runaway cow crashing through the fence, or a filthy and excited Rosemary's Baby swinging from the trees.

The generosity of people is a heartening thing to see. I lost more than an hour of my life reading people's wishes and seeing others make them come true, but I can't say that hour was wasted.

Still keeping it simple over here. More to come!

Style

2011-01-18T16:58:00.000-08:00

I got an award! Look at this:

Thanks, Suburban Princess! I get called a lot of things these days, but "stylish" isn't usually one of them, so this was a very pleasant surprise!

In accepting this award, I'm supposed to tell you 7 things about myself, and I thought I'd keep it style-themed, just to prove there are still a few brain cells lighting up in there. Or whatever it is brain cells do when they're working...

1. I prefer pearls to diamonds, though I won't say no to either.

2. I own 22 pairs of boots. Don't ask.

3. Covered in animal hair is, unfortunately, my signature look.

4. I rarely wear necklaces or bracelets because I have a short, pudgy neck and a kid who likes to yank things. But I won't leave the house without earrings, one chunky cocktail ring on my right hand (wedding set on the left) and a watch on my right wrist.

5. Finding a label I couldn't possibly afford new, in my size at the thrift store for under $10 is the most thrilling feeling in the world. If it still has the original tags attached, I might lose consciousness.

6. I don't own many dresses because I have a rare condition called upside-down-butternut-squash syndrome. I'm a size 8 on the bottom, and a 10 (at best) on top. I like to think of it as God's ultimate practical joke as I try not to topple over from my top-heaviness.

7. I'm no fashion snob, and I like a frugal ensemble as much as the next girl, but I never cheap out on regularly-worn footwear. That's the kind of thing that'll come back to haunt you when you're 80.

I don't generally pass these things on, usually for lack of time, but I do have a few blog buddies who really deserve this award:

In Real Life: She's training for a marathon and doing it in style. I'm inspired!

Glenda: A serious paper crafting pro. She's the epitome of style!!

Melanie: She's focusing on the bigger picture, abandoned her purse addiction (crazy!!) and is getting us all connected. Join the discussion!

Check these girls out. They have all the style of a room full of Vogue editors, without the attitude or eating disorders!

Wishing you all a stylish Wednesday!

Target!

2011-01-14T05:47:00.000-08:00

It's finally happened. Target is coming to Canada!

I know as a proud Canadian, I should be observing a moment of silence and mourning the loss of a great national institution, but my sister and I both worked for the Hudson's Bay Company, and I don't think either of us would consider it a particularly great employer. On top of that, two (TWO!) of my siblings were unfairly accused of shoplifting by overzealous security guards there as children. So frankly, Zellers can kiss my enormous butt. And I'm crossing my fingers that JC Penney wants to come in and take down the Bay too.

I've been collecting HBC rewards points since 1987. Back then, they were called Club Z points. I have never used them. I just kept racking them up, dreaming that one day I'd be able to buy myself a lawnmower or something. Well, once the news hit yesterday, I figured I'd better beat the rush, so I hustled over to the website to cash in my 483,000 points. It turns out that 23 years of dutifully handing over my points card has culminated in (drumroll, please...) a $50 gift card. Nothing to sneeze at. A bit of an anti-climax though, I have to admit.

But no matter. Soon, I'll be sifting through Target clearance racks and enjoying way better dollar bins than Zellers was ever able to come up with! I'm looking forward to enjoying amazing deals on shoes, bags and jewellery! Which is not to suggest that I need any of it, of course. Besides, if all the other American takeovers of the last two decades are any indication, I probably shouldn't get my hopes up. Going to Wal Mart usually makes me want to blow my own head off, and an attempted online purchase at Bath and Body Works last week ended in disaster when they tried to charge me $20 shipping for a half-dozen pump soaps. I guess when it comes down to it, you can put a new face on and spruce things up all you like, but you really need that American population and ravenous appetite for consumption, or it just won't be the same.

Still, I'm betting it won't stop us from looking.

Another Random Thursday

2011-01-13T07:20:00.000-08:00

I seem to be back to posting once a week at best. The truth is, there's just not that much going on. Unless you all really want three posts a week detailing how much cleaner my floors are lately, or what a relief it is to have finally picked up all that clutter in my basement. If that's the case, I could keep you riveted for days.

Here are some random shots instead:

The Dirt Dog really is the greatest thing that ever happened to me as a housewife.

Rosemary's Baby is a big fan of huckleberry jam. Good thing, because no one else is, and I have about 10 quarts of it in the pantry.

Check out what RB has recently started drawing! Must be all that brain-boosting huckleberry jam.

It may be time to patch up the hole in the basement ceiling...

Over the holidays, I discussed the lousy selection of Barbie outfits available these days with Sister #1. She has three girls, so she keeps up on these important issues. When I went to buy a Barbie for the gift tree at Zellers last month, there were about 20 different Barbies but only 3 (pretty skanky) outfit packages to choose from. This confused me, because when I was 10, the Barbie section at K-Mart was like heaven on earth for a budding fashionista. There must've been hundreds of outfits to choose from. These days, the evil geniuses at Mattel have realized that if they don't make extra outfits, the only way for little girls to get a good Barbie wardrobe going is to buy dozens of dolls. It was bad enough that the original store-bought clothes were about the cheapest quality you could get. Now they're trying to squeeze even more money out of this by not making clothes at all? Well, screw that! I've come up with the smartest business idea ever. Behold! Practice Gown #1:

This is my ratty old Sindy doll, and she's the only doll I will ever use to model these sorts of things. No flawless, botoxed, anorexic, flashy new Barbie dolls at MY modelling gigs. Here, you get the real deal!

If you do any shoe shopping online, you might be familiar with the satin shoe bags that some companies include when you buy their stuff. That's what I used to make this navy strapless ball gown with a bubble hem and bow detail in the back (it's more form-fitting than it looks. The bow bulks up the look a bit and I need to work on my photography skills). The best part about making Barbie clothes for my nieces is that I can use up scraps of fabric that aren't really big enough to do anything else with. Here are some more examples of fabric/yarn scrap use in action:

I'm still at the practice stage, but essentially, there's next to no cost, it doesn't take a lot of time, and there's a need for this particular product out there on the market.

If I could dig down deep and find my inner entrepreneur, I'd be a millionaire!

Quick Catch Up

2011-01-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

Here we are a week into the new year and I'm just sluggishly making my way back to blogging. Did you think I'd gotten stuck in a snow bank? It was a distinct possibility. I have to veer off the beaten path out there to find the compost pile, and I do sometimes suddenly find myself knee-deep. Roll on April!

The boys and I had to drop the Captain off in the capital this week. He's gone to Ontario for 10 weeks on course. This, obviously, is no fun at all. But if all goes to plan, this should be the last long separation for us for a while. Unless he gets deployed again, which is always a possibility. But finally, after more than 7 years of him being gone at least 6 months out of the year, he may actually be able to settle into a more "normal" 9 to 5 kind of schedule for a while. Hallelujah to that!!

While in the big city, I made sure to stop at the HUGE Value Village and grab myself a few sweaters and a really nice shirt. I swear, I could've spent the Captain's next 6 months of pay in there. There was a lovely classic Marks and Spencer grey wool coat with satin detail that stopped me in my tracks. I have so many coats, I couldn't fit another one into my closet, but at $25, I was sorely tempted to cram this one in there anyway. They had a massive array of adorable skirts in my size, but I have a closet full of barely-worn skirts and they're so easy to make, it'd be ridiculous for me to buy more. Still, the variety alone was tempting. I managed to get out of there without bankrupting us though, and the kids were thrilled with the books and toys they got to choose. Man, I love thrifting!

The rest of my week has been spent working on my New Year's resolution to keep it simple. I'm thinking a monthly check-in will keep me honest throughout the year, but it was definitely a good idea to move from having one specific resolution to just having a more generalized idea in mind of what I want my life to look like.

One thing that struck me this week is how many sources of low-grade irritation there are in my day-to-day existence. I'm talking about things that aren't urgent, but are constantly annoying, like the clutter on the microwave, the curtain rod in the living room that's been down since Rosemary's Baby swung Tarzan-style on it, and the various unfinished home improvement jobs. So this week, I turned off the computer and started getting to work just dealing with those things--no big crazy everything-must-get-done-or-I'm-a-failure ultimatums. Just looking at what needs to be fixed and working on it one thing at a time and seeing where it takes me. I tell you, you would not believe how much you can get done with no computer to distract you! The basement is clean! The kitchen is tidy! And it's amazing how much of a weight that is off my mind! Keeping it simple is improving my life already!!

Now, if I could just get into the habit of keeping it simple on the treadmill and around the leftover holiday baking...

2010 Recap

2010-12-31T10:47:00.001-08:00

One year ago, I was so happy to be rid of 2009, I entered the new year roaring, vowing that 2010 was going to be the year I took my first warm winter vacation, the year I got my husband safely home from a war zone, and the year I had my first back-and-forth conversation with Rosemary's Baby. And who knew that all those promises made weren't just big talk from an overly-emotional, slightly intoxicated nutball? Every one of them actually came true!

I spent last New Year's Eve celebrating the fact that the most craptastic year I'd ever had was finally over, and despite not having an actual grown man here to kiss at midnight, I made the best of my favourite celebration of the whole year. Case in point:

My dog is an exquisite dancer, in case you're wondering. And no, the Brady Bunch didn't call to ask for their fireplace back.

2010 was a good year. We had our ups and downs as always, but if 2011 is anywhere near as happy, we will have nothing to complain about. Here are my highlights.

The aforementioned vacation. Not only did I get to wear sandals (no socks!) in February, but I got to see three of my six (yes, I said six!) siblings while I was at it.

A great visit with Sister #4 in North Carolina. I still dream about those American dollar stores, homemade chili and corn bread, and goofy dogs doing their thing.

Seeing brother #2 in Florida was so much fun. Firstly, I finally got to set foot in Florida. Secondly, I could do the alligator boat ride 100 more times and never get bored. Thirdly, I am still trying to recreate the amazing culinary delight that is the peanut-butter-and-jelly hamburger.

And lastly, a stop in New Mexico to see Brother #1. After 3 decades of driving me bananas, he's finally stopped trying to push my buttons...and moved onto my poor kids.

I took another trip in 2010, my first one all by myself without the kids, and I saw my parents, two more of my sibs (if you're doing the math, this means that only Sister #1 was not graced with my presence this year. A goal for 2011, perhaps?) and an uncle I haven't seen in decades. All in all, a fantastic time!

Impromptu family portrait.

Sister #2 and offspring.

Other highlights include a wonderful reunion:

A new member of the family:

And so much news about the kids it would need its own blog post:

He finally figured out how to blow out the candles!!

And there you have it. 2010 in a nutshell. I'm sad to see it go, but I head into the new year with high hopes for more of the same.

From my family to yours, Happy New Year. May 2011 bring you much happiness!

Resolutions

2010-12-30T15:51:00.000-08:00

Resolutions are a funny thing. You have to get them just right or they don't work. In the past, I have fallen into the same trap a lot of people do. My resolutions have looked something like this:

Watch less TV!

Exercise for an hour straight every day!

Eat more vegetables and less junk!

The problem with these kinds of resolutions is that they're way too specific. They box a person in and there's no wiggle room. The first time I miss my workout (January 3rd), I am a failure and the whole idea goes out the window. I suspect that a lot of people who don't make resolutions have given up on them for this exact reason.

And now I'm hearing about this newfangled way of making resolutions. Instead of coming up with something specific, you come up with one big word that will encompass everything you want to achieve in the coming year. The idea, I think, is a step in the right direction. Less focus on the specifics (suicide by exercise) and more focus on the important part (health, happiness, calm, and an occasional guilt-free trip through the drive-thru). But it's definitely not for me either. For one thing, trying to whittle down my hopes for the next 365 days into one word would be impossible for a scatterbrain like me. Also, walking around calmly repeating my one-word personal hippie-dippy mantra wouldn't be nearly dramatic enough. I'd always feel the need to throw in jazz hands.

So this year I'm trying to find myself a happy medium. I think that those of you out there who said you don't make resolutions, but told me you're hoping to feel more healthy or enjoy your family in 2011, have actually made resolutions there. They're just SMART resolutions. They're the resolutions that you can keep in mind every time you make a decision about anything, and they don't involve impossible-to-follow diets, or giving up anything cold turkey, or forcing yourself to do things that don't feel natural or normal. It's about choosing what's important and being mindful of that as you go about the business of day-to-day living.

My New Year's resolution started out as one of those all-or-nothing ones. I woke up sometime this week and decided that unless it was for something I really wanted to do, I wasn't going to take the 45-minute trek to the big city anymore, and that I was going to shop locally or online instead. I was feeling pretty passionate about that, so I had to ask myself why this was so important to me. The answers were easy--cost of gas, wear-and-tear on the car, the extra money I spend at the big box stores every time I go there, the irritation of rushing around trying to squeeze as many errands in as I can, and mostly just the time it takes out of my day. What I want isn't about the city. I'm looking to live more simply. Spend less money, enjoy what I already have, cook/walk/dance/sing/craft more, shop/covet/stress/surf less, use my time for what's important to me.

So that's my New Year's resolution. I guess if I wanted to, I could say my buzzword for 2011 is "SIMPLIFY!"

But the jazz hands would really, really ruin it.

Best Week of the Year

2010-12-29T12:30:00.000-08:00

The week between Christmas and New Year's Eve is always my favourite one of the whole year. The crazy rush of Christmas is over, we've all eaten our way into a turkey coma, and no one cares if the living room is covered in toys and wrapping paper and pine needles. The hazy beginnings of the new year's resolutions are forming in my brain as I guiltlessly inhale the leftover baking. Granted, the kids are a bit whiny and somehow bored despite all the new toys and books. But this is the one week of the year when chocolate has no calories, so I simply don't care.

The Captain being in Afghanistan last year really was a blessing in disguise. I've been hyper-aware this year of how much more joyful things feel than they did this time last year. Living in the moment has been easier this Christmas than ever before. Even the Christmas Eve Chinese food tasted better.

The Captain not only got me the sweeping robot I've gone on and on about for weeks, but he also got him a friend named Scooba that does the mopping too. Floor-cleaning has become a family spectator sport. We just sit around watching the robots do their thing. It's pure entertainment, and I never have to do floors again!

In the next day or so I'm going to make myself accountable for my new year's resolutions by posting them here. But first, I always love to hear what other people want to work on in the coming year. So, let's hear it. What are your new year's resolutions?

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T19:03:00.000-08:00

From all of us here at 2Kids, 2Dogs (and by "all of us", I mean myself, the cat and the child currently swinging from the chandelier), a very Merry Christmas to one and all!

I'll be back soon to catch up on all your blogs (it's been busy...), announce my unattainable new year's resolutions, and give you a recap of how many of us ended up in tears before the turkey was even served.

May your Christmas be full of love, laughter and joy.

3 More Days!

2010-12-22T14:02:00.000-08:00

School went very late for us this year. Here's a shot of Firstborn this morning before heading off for the last day of school before the holiday.

The guy on the radio was complaining about school going so late this year since nothing could possibly be getting done at this point. But I'd like to make the argument that even if the last day of school was in November, the kids would be so excited about the upcoming holiday that nothing would get done then either. Plus, since ALL kids everywhere are insane this week, I was pretty happy that someone else took my kid off my hands!

And now he's mine until the Christmas sugar high wears off sometime in early January...

It's December the WHAT?!!

2010-12-17T07:21:00.000-08:00

How is it December 17th already? One more week until the REAL insanity starts! Note to self: do NOT shoot overweight intruder in red entering through chimney.

See that pile of twigs to the left? It's a tree. Granted, a small tree, but the trunk is completely buried in the dumping we got on Wednesday. Firstborn's school bus was still not running this morning because the back roads have yet to be plowed out and the driver is stranded at home with his bus!

I got the already-broken snow shovel out yesterday to clear a path to my front door and managed to finish the shovel off. You'd be surprised at the total ineffectiveness of trying to clear snow with a garden rake!

If you still need to get out there and brave the mall, I wish you all the best. I'm staying home and baking!

It's a White Christmas, Indeed!

2010-12-16T06:41:00.000-08:00

The snow that's plagued much of the country finally descended on us yesterday. Firstborn was stranded in town overnight, the Captain slept in his office and my awesome neighbour came this morning and scraped our driveway for us. Here's a shot of what the kids have to look forward to when we get them a new sled (the old one's buried under there someplace):

In other news, thirty years ago this month, I received my first Sindy doll! For those of you not familiar, Sindy is the (more realistically proportioned, fashion-forward, and probably smarter) British version of Barbie.

I always assumed that one day I'd be buying my own daughter her first Barbie doll. Then I found myself in the middle of nowhere, animals running all over the place, and surrounded by stinky boys. Talk about a shock to the system! But last weekend I discovered the solution to this (very minor) problem.

Our local Zellers store has teamed up with Children's Services and put up a tree with tags at the front of the store. Shoppers can pick a tag with an age and gender on it, buy an appropriate gift and drop it off at customer service for a less fortunate child in our area. To make a long story short, there's a 5 year-old girl out there somewhere who'll be getting a Barbie doll with some seriously kicky outfits this Christmas! It's a piddly thing in terms of giving (I hope one day to be able to do what Jude did this year. Go have a look--it'll bring tears to your eyes!), but so far, this has been the best part of my holiday season!

I know times are tough economically, but I really encourage giving for the sake of giving where you can. There's no other feeling quite like it.

And on the topic of giving, I'm working on getting together the biggest gift basket I can make for the mom of Firstborn's best friend who is a single mom, works all day, goes to school at night and yesterday took in 4 extra kids who lived outside of town and couldn't get home. Not only did she take them in and keep them all safe and fed until the roads were cleared enough this morning for them to be rescued, she gave them all a bath, washed their clothes while they were sleeping so they'd have something clean to wear, and made them all lunches in case school was open today (it wasn't). Above and beyond the call of duty, no? The girl deserves some wine!

Par-tay!

2010-12-13T05:44:00.000-08:00

Wow! That was a busy weekend for us! Of course, having to actually get dressed constitutes a busy weekend around here. We're not exactly social butterflies.

Friday night we got a sitter and attended the Captain's work Christmas party, which is a very casual affair. The roast beef was delicious and plentiful! Despite many people showing up in t-shirts and jeans, I felt that a little festive flair was in order. Mostly because I wear t-shirts and jeans every day, and I wasn't going to pass up a chance to dress that uniform up a little. Here's what I wore:

The kids had a great time with their sitter, too!

On Sunday, the annual children's party was held at the mess. For those of you not familiar, the mess is where the guys go on Friday night to drink. It's full of trophy cases and hundred year-old tables and naked-lady paintings. This party is a slightly more dressed-up affair, with a buffet brunch and lots for the little ones to do. It was minus five-billion or so here, so I opted to wear something I wouldn't freeze my butt off in:

Please pardon my still-wet hair, terrible posture and the fact that you can't even see my awesome boots. It's a bad picture all-round!

I've had this suede skirt for over a year now and I never knew how to wear it. I was actually starting to think about shortening it. But recently, I started following a whole bunch of style blogs (less expensive than buying fashion mags, far more realistic fashions, and with a lot of great ideas about how to use what's already in my wardrobe) and one morning I found an outfit on this great blog that set the lightbulb off in my head. Finally, this skirt could become a winter staple! Now, if only someone could show me how to keep little peanut-buttery hands off my butt.

Please note, that purse I was talking about on Black Friday is now mine, mine, mine! Thanks for the early Christmas present, Captain!

The kids' party was extra exciting for me this year. I was actually dreading it beforehand. In the past, I have always been the mother chasing her unruly wild-child from one room to another trying to keep him from wrecking something expensive. This year was sooooo different! He played! He posed for a photo with Santa! He sat on the floor with the other kids while presents were being handed out! He didn't once try to run off and get into mischief! Hooray for progress!!

And now...I need another weekend to recover from my weekend!

I'm Going to the Ball!

2010-12-10T07:57:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's not really much of a ball. It's more of a super-casual army drink-fest, and I'll be the designated driver! But we have a sitter and I'm getting out of the house without my kids for a few hours! Woo hoo!

It's been a busy week, but I'll be back before Monday with outfit pictures and a weekend recap. Stay tuned!

Mondays Should've Been Outlawed By Now

2010-12-06T12:38:00.000-08:00

It turns out that a good number of you were baffled by my reference to cheesy hair bands Sheriff and Warrant in my last post. This is nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, it's a testament to your good taste. But for those of you who are curious, here are a couple of photos for future reference. Because you just know someday I'm going to mention them again, and you don't want to be caught not getting the joke twice.

Sadly, this was the best shot I could find of the one-hit wonder Sheriff. Why do you suppose whoever edited this photo fuzzed them all out from the waist down? Definitely not Canada's finest hour. Nor mine, since I'm pretty sure I had this album on cassette.

And here we have Warrant. Need I say more?

Moving on...

What a cruddy day! We got called back in for a follow-up to Rosemary's Baby's celiac testing, so I canceled his therapy for the day and planned to run some errands while in the big city. After spending two hours at the hospital to be told that the tests were negative (which we already knew) and being asked why we were there (uh...because you asked us to come?), I wrestled with Rosemary's Baby in the bathroom trying to get him to pee on an unfamiliar commode, then promised him fast food as a reward when he finally gave up and got the job done. Then I promptly had to go back on my promise when I got a call from the school saying Firstborn had a sore throat and could I please come get him? Being a full hour away, I should've called my neighbour, but she just returned home from a day of travelling late last night, and I didn't have the heart to wake her up to deal with a sick kid. So I raced back immediately to get him myself. You should've seen Rosemary's Baby's reaction when I drove right past McD's without stopping. It made the public restroom wrestling match look like a trip to Disneyland.

But someone else here had an even worse day than I had. Cue the music.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

Poor Anakin turned 6 months old last week, and this means he was due for a little operation this morning. Let's just say, he's not half the man he used to be...

So I guess I'll quit complaining about not getting my errands run and give the cat some love. At this point, he'll have to take it where he can get it.

Three Weeks to Go!

2010-12-04T09:32:00.001-08:00

This morning, something cheesy came on the radio and I asked the Captain, "Who do you think was better, Sheriff or Warrant?" And he replied, "Who do YOU think was better, Hitler or Mussolini?" proving once and for all that you cannot have a serious discussion on art with a man without it turning political.

In other news, I am waiting on the edge of my seat to hear if our only babysitter can come on Friday night to watch the kids so the Captain and I can attend his work Christmas party. Living where we do and having the kids we do makes finding a sitter a bit of a challenge. But I have my outfit all picked out. If she can't make it, I am not above getting all dolled-up up for a night in front of the TV by myself. Actually, this technically sounds more pleasant than hob-nobbing with the General and watching the Privates challenge each other to an arm-wrestle. But I could use a night away from the kids. So keep your fingers crossed for me!

More Christmas baking today and maybe (maybe) a trip to the Santa parade in town tonight. My over-the-top joyfest continues!

New Zealand Shortbread

2010-12-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago at this time, I posted one of the Captain's family recipes that has become a tradition in our house at Christmas. I wanted to re-post that recipe today because, being lazy, I have adjusted it slightly this year to make it even easier to make. And it's still just as good.

I don't know why we call it New Zealand Shortbread, except that we do have family living over on that side of the world. So maybe that's where this recipe originated. I don't know. What I do know is that after the holidays, I can no longer fit into my pants. And I'm pretty sure these babies are to blame.

New Zealand Shortbread

3/4 cup butter, softened

1/3 cup confectioners' sugar

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 can sweetened condensed milk

Mix everything but condensed milk well and press 3/4 of the mixture into a buttered and floured 8x8 baking dish. Set aside remaining mix.

Pour condensed milk over shortbread in the pan and crumble remaining shortbread mix on top. Bake at 350F for 30 to 40 minutes, or until golden. When completely cool, cut into 16 squares.

This recipe can be doubled, and in this house it usually is. They also freeze well, so you can make them weeks in advance and spend your actual holidays lounging around in front of the TV, occasionally getting up to sneak yet another one out of the freezer.

In case you can't tell, I am not a believer in self-deprivation during the holidays. December is for shameful, excessive celebration. I can restrain myself in January.

Bon appetit!

Birthday Boy

2010-11-30T05:00:00.000-08:00

Rosemary's Baby is five today. FIVE! Where has the time gone?!! It just seems like yesterday I was having contractions in the car and willing myself not to murder the Captain as he made stupid jokes all the way to the hospital. Oh to have the doula back! But hindsight's 20/20.

Rosemary's Baby was truly the loveliest baby. He slept through the night at 8 weeks, he smiled at everyone he met and he hardly ever cried. Of course, it turns out he was saving up all his evil for the toddler years. But back before I knew what was coming, he was so good I wondered if the hospital had accidentally switched him and he wasn't really mine.

As you may know, Rosemary's Baby has autism, so he has a significant speech delay. But he's not completely non-verbal. In fact, since he's been receiving intensive therapy here every day, the progress has been quite flabbergasting. He actually has quite good functional language and is usually able to tell us what he needs using at least one word. Sometimes he can even give us a short sentence. This week, he came up with a new one, and we're hearing it rather a lot.

"Chocolate"

Yup, he's definitely mine.

Black Friday

2010-11-26T05:00:00.000-08:00

It's Black Friday! Make out those Christmas lists because everything you want is on sale! Rock-bottom prices! Save, save, save!

Here's my list:

The Roomba for Pet Hair: I hate, hate, hate doing floors. Oh, who am I kidding?! I hate, hate, hate doing housework! The Roomba would be a great start to a housework-free life. They even have one that washes the floors after the regular one does the vacuuming. Will they have one that does toilets and windows by Black Friday 2011? I'm keeping my eyes peeled.

Croc-Embossed Purse: I've been seriously behaving myself this year where purses are concerned. So naturally, I think at this time of year I'm entitled to a nice one! I can't find a shot of it in purple (the colour I want, and the only colour left), but you guys are an imaginative bunch. I'm sure you can picture me walking down the streets of downtown Booming Metropolis, new hairdo blowing in the wind, gorgeous purple leather purse swinging from my arm. Now picture me someplace else. Quick. I'm about to get mugged.

Colourful Winter Wear: 2011 will be the year I embrace colour. I've spent much of my adult life going with nice, safe greys, blacks and browns in my wardrobe. It's time I learned to wear colour! And what better way to start a new year than with a bright, happy winter jacket or coat? Does it matter that I already have about 6 winter coats, and that I hardly wear anything but my big shapeless parka out here on the farm? Well...a girl can dream.

And really that's about it for me. After last year, I'm so happy to have the Captain home for Christmas, Rosemary's Baby using the toilet (and not just for the fun of flushing my most expensive perfume, either), Firstborn happy and well-adjusted, and animals running all over the house, presents are really just the icing on the cake.

Cake isn't quite the same without icing though, is it?

Thankful

2010-11-25T08:44:00.000-08:00

I managed to get some shots of the ongoing snowfall here in Manitoba this morning. We got about 4 inches yesterday and they're saying we'll have another 4 by nightfall.

Here's what my driveway looks like. Bear in mind it was cleared by my wonderful neighbour at 3:30 yesterday afternoon, so this is just what we got overnight.

And this is what Rosemary's Baby's tutor had to drive through to get here this morning. The girl deserves a medal.

I really need to get to town for some eggs and milk, but I think I'm going to wait until tomorrow when the plows have been out. I'm told in order to get down the highway, I need 4-wheel drive and I won't get out of third gear. I have no idea what that means, but it somehow doesn't sound like a job for my Chevy Malibu.

So, today I will hijack America's beloved November holiday and be thankful that I have enough milk in the fridge to keep us going until tomorrow!

Happy Thanksgiving, my American friends!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas...

2010-11-24T18:21:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post a picture of our snowstorm today, but between chasing the toilet-training wonder around and resetting all the thermostats to blast heat into every room, it was dark before I got to it. But rest assured, we are buried in snow out here in the Prairies. So what better time to remind everyone that the big guy in red comes ONE MONTH from tonight!

What?! Wasn't it just Labour Day?!

If you have little ones who might like a personalized video message from Santa this year, don't forget to visit PNP here. And if you don't have little ones, you can amuse yourself by sending these to your adult friends and loved ones too. The Captain is on Santa's naughty list!

Stay tuned. There's more holiday blathering to come. Let the season of giving (and getting!) begin!

Even the Animals are Eccentric

2010-11-21T05:45:00.000-08:00

His royal highness has found himself a cool new hangout.

Aren't cats supposed to avoid getting wet?!

Happy Sunday!

Hijacked!

2010-11-18T05:35:00.000-08:00

Firstborn has decided that my blog is the perfect place for him to advertise his artwork. Here are a couple of his masterpieces:

Here we have a southwestern mountain scene. He did this with my brother's girlfriend when we were visiting them in New Mexico back in the spring.

And this is the new obsession: mountain-climbing. This is a painting of Sir Edmund Hillary scaling Everest. Firstborn tells me that Tenzing Norgay is standing on top with the flag, just slightly out of the scene!

I'm finding he likes painting better when I let him use one of my canvases. And they sell some at the dollar store now, so I'm going to remember to pick him some up there. Between that and the little bottles of acrylic paints in the same aisle, this is a pretty inexpensive hobby for a kid. And using "professional" materials makes him feel like a grown up, so everyone wins!

Holiday Cheer

2010-11-17T06:38:00.000-08:00

My early festivities are coming along swimmingly! I tried a new fruitcake recipe and ended up with the most delicious, moist fruitcake I've ever tasted. Expect to see much more of me by January! Sirius has begun the 24/7 traditional holiday music. And on Monday night, I went into town for a Christmas cardmaking class and had a great time. Here's a sample (this is just a small tag we made, but I love it!):

It may still only be November, but I am right into the swing of things! Happy Holidays!

Makeover Saturday

2010-11-13T15:18:00.001-08:00

In case my profile picture hasn't tipped you off, I have issues.

One of them is that I am allergic to making appointments. And I mean seriously allergic. I have no idea what my parents did to me as a child, but I avoid having to commit to being anywhere at a specific time with such an inexplicable work ethic, I can only assume it is all their fault.

I force myself to see my family doctor and the dentist once a year, and am glad my insurance only covers an eye exam every second year, but other than that, I run from appointment-making like my life depends on it. As a result, no professional hairstylist has touched my hair in nearly six years. Yes, I said SIX years.

Back in June, the Captain (probably very tired of waking up next to a cat lady) wrote me up two homemade coupons. One gave me permission to get myself a pair of fashionable prescription sunglasses. The other ordered me to get my butt to a salon for a cut, colour, and whatever else would make me look less homeless.

The glasses were easy and I had that done by mid-August. The hair thing I put off and made excuses about for the next five months. This week, I made a couple of feeble attempts at booking myself an appointment at one of the two salons in our tiny town, and also with someone nearby who works out of her own home. But as soon as I hit a wall (one salon was fully booked, one didn't answer and one didn't call me back), I was ready to give up and wait another five months before trying again. Seriously, it was exhausting.

But this morning I had to take Firstborn to the big city for a haircut at one of those walk-in chains, so I decided to take a chance. Call me a cheapskate, but I'm perfectly happy with a $20 haircut if I don't walk out looking worse than I did before. Plus, young stylists just out of hair school need to start somewhere, and I'm happy to help them out. But if I'm honest, it's really all about not having to book an appointment.

My stylist had purple hair, an armload of tattoos and an opinion on just about everything. But man, she did a nice job! And she's the first stylist I've ever met who suggested I make use of my natural curl instead of trying to brush/flat-iron/spray it flat! My new do is cute AND easy! And I had enough cash left over to buy a whole bag of professional quality products designed to keep my hair from going all cat-lady dry and crazy again! That last part made the Captain roll his eyes so far back into his head, I wasn't sure his pupils were going to reappear. But I don't care. I'm happy with my hair, for the first time in YEARS!

And now, you be the judge. Here's my before and after:

Before: Note the creative use of facial expression to make myself look extra terrible. I learned that from reading fashion magazines.

After: It's a whole new me!

I realize that this situation has not been a self-help experience. I'm now more convinced than ever that I don't need to make appointments. But you know what they say in all those 12-step programs--one day at a time. I'll just make an appointment some other day.

Lest We Forget

2010-11-11T05:51:00.000-08:00

I have a history of getting long-winded on Remembrance Day. It's the 6th grade teacher in me. So this year, I'm just going to make one request and then I'll pipe down.

Today, please take a moment to remember all the brave men and women whose sacrifices have secured the freedoms we spend the other 364 days a year taking for granted.

Enough said.

Wonder Cat

2010-11-10T16:13:00.000-08:00

If I could sleep like my animals do, I'd have superpowers.

Happy Wednesday!

Mad Woman?

2010-11-06T21:15:00.000-07:00

Thank heavens for the time change. If we hadn't been turning the clocks back this weekend, I'd never have gotten in my third post of the week. Whew! This must be what it's like to have a job!

With the ongoing popularity of a little show called Mad Men, it occurs to me that I would be perfect at advertising. And also wearing all those curvy, ladylike dresses. But let's get back to the advertising for a moment.

Since the ad agencies are clearly not on the ball enough to recognize my natural talent, I'm not currently getting any money to advertise anything. So I'm going to have to make my case using a product that I personally endorse, but that I am not actually being paid to peddle.

I have recently discovered a new (read: REALLY OLD) miracle product in the world of skin care. This product is fantastic, and apparently French women love it, so you know it has to be good. You scoop some of this stuff into your hands, rub it all over your face and then wipe with a warm washcloth and, voila! Soft, youthful skin right before bed. It's like a guarantee of a good night's sleep!

Here's my ad:

Brilliant, no?! I really should be getting paid for this. Though alternatively, I would also take ten minutes alone in a hotel room with Don Draper. Deal!

Now, I'm off to turn those clocks back and use that extra hour for beauty sleep. The Ponds people are good, but they're not miracle workers.

The Messy Gene

2010-11-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

I have learned to organize myself by keeping a calendar, a daily chore list and three regular list pads on my fridge. It sounds anal, but considering how utterly disorganized my life still looks at any given moment, without all that stuff, I'd be sitting on my kitchen floor all day surrounded by chaos and crying.

When I was working and attending a lot of meetings, my notes didn't look like anyone else's. I started with the date or topic of the meeting in the middle of a sheet of regular lined binder paper, and I created a web of all the important information with arrows and bubbles all over the page. It made much more sense to me than listing things in a line down the page. My coworkers used to laugh about my "notes". I realize now that that must be what the inside of my head looks like. And I think it's hereditary.

This morning I made a quick trip into Firstborn's classroom because he's come home several days in a row now without his agenda book, which is what the school uses to communicate day-to-day bits of information for parents. He insisted that it had just disappeared off the face of the earth and was lost forever (please note: I use this argument on the Captain three times a week, and he usually finds whatever I'm looking for in under a minute). When I opened up his desk and saw that the inside looked like someone had set off a grenade in there, I had a flashback.

When I was in first grade, my teacher had a motivational tool called the "Fire Hat". Every Monday we'd all come in hoping the red plastic firefighter's hat was sitting on our desk for one of us to wear the whole week, indicating that we'd had the cleanest, neatest desk the Friday before. The other kids used to tell me I'd never get the fire hat because I had the messiest desk in the room (DUH! Way to state the obvious, guys!). The very last week of school came before summer vacation, and there was the Fire Hat on my desk, a pitiful show of mercy for the one kid who hadn't won it all year.

I think it might be time to teach my little absent-minded professor a few organizational strategies...

So Long, Halloween! Hello, Christmas!

2010-11-01T13:10:00.000-07:00

I am such a Halloween grinch. Every year, I dread having to listen to Firstborn ask (in five-minute increments, starting at 7AM), "How many more minutes until we can go trick-or-treating?" But this year, I looked forward to getting it over with even more than usual. And the reason is this: in my book, November first is the official kickoff to Christmas!

Last Christmas, for all my insisting it was going to be just fine, really kind of blew. The Captain was in a war zone and I had to put on a show for the kids when I'd rather have just stayed in bed. So, for about a month now, I've been feeling a most ridiculous urge to completely overcompensate this year.

That's not to say I'm going to run up the credit cards and land myself in the poorhouse. I can exercise some restraint, you know. I just want to make sure that this year, I really maximize the joy. And also the baking.

I've already pickled the onions, and there's still some mincemeat from last year in the deep freeze. I plan this year to finally convince my kids that fruitcake is delicious, and I will make Nigella Lawson my personal guru. Christmas is for indulging. I can restrain myself in January.

Here's one last look at our Halloween:

Now, bring on the mince pies!

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

Have a safe and happy Halloween, everyone!

What to Expect...from Hollywood

2010-10-27T16:55:00.000-07:00

Between looking forward to getting Halloween over and done with, and getting settled back into finally having a full-time tutor come in for Rosemary's Baby's daily therapy (YA-HOO!!!), this week is already starting to get away from me. But I have to quickly share with you this groan-inducing tidbit, just in case you haven't already heard it.

The Captain informed me at dinner last night that one of the big movie companies, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to make a lighthearted rom-com based on the classic pregnancy how-to What to Expect When You're Expecting. I'm picturing an adorably befuddled Hugh Grant making nervous conversation about mucus plugs.

Please God, let this one go straight to video.

Huckleberries

2010-10-24T13:22:00.001-07:00

The vegetable garden is done for another year!

The last thing I had to harvest was the crop of huckleberries. We'd never grown them before, but the Captain likes to try something new every year, and these berries grew like nobody's business! It took me a good 2 1/2 hours to pick them, and I came in with purple hands and purple-stained khaki pants. I'm still not sure how the majority of the stains ended up on my butt. Anyway, here's a shot of what we ended up with:

To keep them from spoiling, I canned 12 quarts of them in water and turned the rest into jam. I'm told they can be used like blueberries (they're related), but I'm finding the taste a little...earthy. Anyone got any good uses for huckleberries? I have a feeling we'll be eating a lot of them this winter.

Random Thursday

2010-10-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

I've reached a new low. Halloween is in just over a week and this is my SECOND post of the month! Lame! I really can't expect people to keep reading if I never post anything, so I'm going to publicly commit to a minimum of three posts a week from now on, even if it's just a picture of my cat sleeping on the couch.

Lots of random news to share today. Try not to die from the excitement.

New bloggers take heed: If I could start my blog all over again, I would go completely anonymous, not even letting my friends, family or husband know I was a blogger. That way, I could share with you all of the very worst things I see people say and do, and it'd be a lot more entertaining. I deleted a post recently after the Captain made the good point that even though the nameless horrible person I was posting about didn't read or even know about my blog, I'm just not anonymous enough to guarantee that it wouldn't end up causing me trouble. While I maintain that if you don't want your atrocious behaviour shared with others, you should learn to act like a civilized human being, life isn't really that black and white. My anonymity train has long since left the station, so I reserve the right to still complain about poor customer service or the crazy people who built my house, but the in-laws, friends, and local cranks will have to be saved for my anger management class.

Chicken soup does nothing: I'm finally reaching the end of a cold that has lasted for almost two weeks. Whenever I catch a cold it goes straight to my chest and I cough incessantly all night long. The Captain, who is a light sleeper at the best of times, wants to smother me with a pillow. By all means, feel free to share your home cold remedies.

This is not an ad: Hooray! Old Navy is finally shipping within Canada! My nearest store is two hours away, so this is a huge bonus for me. I order everything I can't get locally online, so between Sears, Old Navy and Well.ca, I'm saving a lot of time and gas. Now, if I could just get the grocery store to deliver, I'd be the most fashionable shut-in in town.

It pays to run out of pull-ups: Rosemary's Baby has made a giant leap towards toilet-training! We were going through ridiculous numbers of training pants recently, so I decided to let him go pants-less and see what happened. Here's what happened: he started TELLING me he needs to go pee! Whooda thunk it?! Of course, now he's so proud of himself, he's refusing to wear pants. Let's hope he grows out of that before he heads off to college.

Getting an early start on the jack-o-lanterns: Firstborn was playing in a box last weekend and somehow tipped himself over and right into a nearby chair. When the screaming subsided and the blood was cleaned up, this is what he looked like:

The whereabouts of the missing tooth remain a mystery.

Happiness 101

2010-10-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

Let's try this again, shall we?

A big thanks to Debra at She Who Seeks for giving me this lovely award:

I'm kind of lousy at passing these things on because I spend two hours deciding who to give it to and then another hour linking to them all, and then none of my laundry gets done and my kids ask why they haven't been fed. But I do love to participate, and for this one I have to list 10 things that make me happy. That I can do!

1. Skin care. I decided recently that because I can't possibly have expensive clothes or fancy furniture and expect any of it to stay clean or in good repair, I can at the very least take better care of my skin. I've treated myself to some Mary Kay products, which for a cheapskate like me is pricey, but very nice. And I counter that expense with a few budget-friendly techniques as well. Did you know that if you take regular old baby oil and slather yourself in it from head to toe right before taking a shower, it leaves your skin noticeably softer? When I'm 90, all the toothless old men at the nursing home will be flocking to my wheelchair, telling me I don't look a day over 76 and fighting over who gets to join me for a game of shuffleboard. That makes me happy.

2. The animals are getting along!

Here they are sharing in some mischief. The dogs pull the dirty frying pan off the counter and they all get in there and lick it clean for me. And when they do fight, the cat usually wins!

3. Beautiful weather.

Rosemary's Baby and I went out to enjoy some summer temperatures this afternoon. He tried to climb the hay bales and then we had a bit of a walk around the trees that surround our house. I got some great shots!

4. Crafts.

I've signed up for a table at the Christmas craft sale in town this year. I'm scrambling to get things made, but it's really got me thinking creatively for the first time in a long while.

5. Pumpkins.

Years ago, the Captain and I were walking down the street and I veered off with no warning towards a shop window. There was a painting displayed there of a pile of pumpkins. I should've gone in and bought it but I didn't. Now, every year, we grow a buzzilion pumpkins in the garden and I make pies and breads and pancakes and pumpkin seeds. It's how I know fall has arrived.

6. My kids. Firstborn came home today and told me he accosted his Science teacher at lunch to tell her he really liked her class. Rosemary's Baby took an entire bottle of my aforementioned baby oil the other day, emptied it into the bathtub, stripped himself naked from the waist down and spent the next 20 minutes sliding around in there, laughing like a hyena. How could this stuff NOT make me happy?

7. Reading. Books, magazines, catalogues (which technically don't count as meaningful reading!). I'm not picky. A cup of tea, a few quiet minutes and something to read--happiness!!

8. A long drive all by myself--just me and the radio!

9. Flavoured coffee first thing in the morning.

10. De-cluttering. I cleaned out the kids' playroom two weeks ago and bagged up all the toys they never actually play with. They haven't noticed anything is missing yet!

If any of you out there want to post 10 things that make you happy, feel free to grab this award and say I gave it to you!

Look What I Won!

2010-09-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Suburban Princess for this awesome giveaway! It turned up in my mailbox this morning. If you can't win the lottery, three boxes of gluten-free cereal is a pretty good substitute!

Happy Thursday!!

7 Years

2010-09-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

On September 20th, 2003, after four miserable hours of pushing, I earned myself a new title: MOM. Turns out, that was the easy part!

Those of you who have been following my trials and tribulations for any length of time might think that Rosemary's Baby is the only one around here pushing my buttons and wreaking havoc everywhere he goes. But, while Firstborn is definitely the calmer, quieter, gentler soul in this house, he too has had his moments. Let us review.

The four hours of pushing caused my 9 1/2 lb alien-baby some distress and he ended up inhaling his own poop on the way out. He had to be intubated and kept in the Special Care Nursery on an IV for the next three days.

Motherhood lesson #1: Being a mom is terrifying, and full of incidents involving poop.

Aquatots! While all the other babies splashed around with their parents and had fun, mine cried for the first half-hour because the water was too cold, and then fell asleep on me for the rest of the class. This shot was taken as we stepped into the water. One minute later, he was bawling.

Motherhood lesson #2: Saturday morning sports are for other people's children.

Firstborn loved his food and would fight sleep in order to keep eating.

Motherhood lesson #3: Blueberry pie+a tired child+a camera-happy new mom= some rather disturbing images.

An early attempt at watching Hockey Night In Canada as a family. Judging from his expression, I'm guessing the Leafs were doing what they usually do, and he was wondering why on earth we were cheering for them.

Motherhood lesson #4: Eventually, every kid comes to realize that his parents are idiots.

He has always been crazy for reading, which of course isn't a bad thing. But he's also always had a bit of a thing for characters who get into mischief. As you can see, it started with Curious George. Now he's into Calvin and Hobbes, and has learned that when he does something naughty, he can blame it on his stuffed toys.

Motherhood lesson #5: Hide the No, David! books until he's 30. We don't need him getting any ideas.

The Captain's Artillery School graduation. When Firstborn saw his father go up to accept his certificate, in his two year-old exuberance, he yelled out "Daddy!!" This got him a good few laughs from the crowd and encouraged him to stand up and do it again. And again. And again. I finally had to drag him outside, kicking and screaming, until the whole thing was over.

Motherhood lesson #6: A good babysitter is worth the expense.

And finally, what is fondly known around here as "the chocolate syrup incident".

Motherhood lesson #7: Lock up the fridge, and avoid shag carpet.

Tonight, we celebrate the occasion with a Batman cake, and lots of new Lego. But don't get me started on Lego...

Happy Birthday, little monkey!

GFCF, FYI

2010-09-11T06:20:00.000-07:00

Hola, blog buddies! I'm not doing too well at updating here lately, and I'm doing even worse at visiting your blogs. I have no idea how people with 1000 followers manage it. I'm just glad I'm not one of them!

The reason I've been so notably absent is that I have a new (unpaid) job, which is to fill in for the tutor we had working with Rosemary's Baby. I've been learning how to do his ABA therapy from the professionals and working with him on it every morning, which takes a chunk out of my day and leaves me feeling frazzled and stressed by the time the kids are in bed at night. But the good news is that, while I can't do this long-term and stay sane, for the time being I am learning some really important, really interesting stuff here. And it's made me realize that when we do get a new tutor (and there's one on the horizon now--woo hoo!) that this is something I can creatively implement during his downtime. So this whole sorry situation hasn't been a complete waste.

A few people have asked questions which I've been meaning to answer, so I'm going to switch gears for a minute and talk about the diet my boy's been on for about a year now. If this is simply not something that interests you, by all means stop reading, go grab another cup of coffee, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. I understand completely.

When I first realized that Rosemary's Baby was, in fact, not the seed of evil, but actually autistic, the lack of scientific knowledge of this disorder was deflating, to say the least. The idea that my baby had something that couldn't be cured by modern medicine, and that no one could guarantee me could be treated with any degree of success was pretty devastating. The most frustrating thing was that I had absolutely no control. And that's when I decided it was worth it to look into some of the alternative treatments that are out there. To be honest, I didn't really expect them to do any good. I just needed to feel that I was taking control of the situation.

The first thing I should say about the Gluten-Free Casein-Free (GFCF) diet is that it does not work for everyone and it is not a cure. And despite popular perception, for the record, Jenny McCarthy has never claimed that it is one. I am no autism expert and I cannot speak for anyone else. But what I think is happening with my own child is that yes, he has autism, but he also has some other medical issues (mainly of the gastrointestinal variety) that seem to be making the autism symptoms more severe. I believe that all of his medical conditions, including the autism, are ultimately the result of genetics. But that doesn't mean that environmental factors (like the Hep B shot he received unnecessarily at birth, the severe vaccine reaction he had at 18 months and the ever-increasing amount of junk that's put into our foods to make them last through to the next ice age) haven't helped his autoimmune problems along. And putting him on the GFCF diet and a probiotic, upping his vitamins (under the supervision of a pediatrician--VERY IMPORTANT!) and reducing the amount of sugar and processed food that goes into his body has made a tangible difference to his behaviour.

For my child, the big changes we saw were as follows: he started sleeping better (which affects absolutely everything else in life, no?!), his hyperactivity level changed drastically, his focus and attention improved, his language increased, and his skin and digestive problems improved. His stimming also slowed down. He is not cured of autism. He is not cured of digestive problems. But he has improved enough that I think it's made a difference to how receptive he is to the therapies that are proven to be most effective for kids with autism. So for me, the herculean effort (and horrendous cost, unfortunately) is well worth it.

Stepping down off the soapbox.

On Thursday night I was doing dishes when I was alarmed by the most almighty crash I have ever heard coming from the living room. I ran in to find Rosemary's Baby standing on the window sill, grinning at me, surrounded by yards of curtain fabric and a pile of debris fit for a scrap yard. Turns out that when a 45lb kid wants to swing Tarzan-style from the living room curtains, he'll bring down not only the curtains, but the curtain rod and 8 feet of crown moulding with it. Like I was saying, seed of evil...

Photo Project

2010-09-01T04:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's September, and I'm very glad to have a reason to post something that ISN'T just me whining and complaining about my life. I do appreciate none of you telling me to shut up after those past couple of posts. I find that in life, you get a lot of things thrown at you at once, but in the end, it kind of all evens out.

Onto the fun. This month, I embraced my creative side and indulged in a little photo-a-day project. Here are my favourites:

Around the middle of the month, we started to get large groups of monarch butterflies just hanging out in the trees. The Captain watched out the window with amusement as I tried to get close enough for a good shot without scaring them away. Thank heavens for my long lens, and living in the age of digital cropping.

Firstborn's portrait of Ozzy Osbourne. Dead on, no?!

First salsa of the summer! My life revolves around food...

I'm finding the best time to pick vegetables in the garden is after the kids are in bed. Now, of course, it's getting dark a lot earlier so I really have to move my butt out there. Either that, or wear one of those flashlights on my head. But the sunsets are worth it.

My final photo, taken yesterday while we here enjoying some cooler weather in the backyard. I can never seem to get just one shot of my kids together without one of them doing something goofy with his face!

And there you have it. Another creative project brought to a close. This fall, I move onto jewellery, knitted toys and purses for the Christmas craft sale I've (insanely) agreed to do. I hope I have as much fun as I did with this one. Wish me luck!

I Don't Like Mondays

2010-08-30T05:31:00.000-07:00

The silicon chip inside my head is officially switched to overload!

After Firstborn's diagnosis and Rosemary's Baby's return to gluten (which is actually not going too badly, by the way!), we had yet another setback!

Rosemary's Baby's tutor, who works with him five days a week for just over six hours a day has gone on a sudden month-long medical leave. At present, I think I'd better not say any more than that because I might live to regret it, but rest assured, I am not happy about this. Not at all.

Because she waited to do this until her job became legally secure, and because she has a set return date (which could change at any time, and probably will), and because we live so far from the nearest city, the centre she works for can't hire a replacement right now. Instead, they've trained ME to do the work until the end of September. So I have two kids, two dogs, a cat, a crazy falling-down house, an overgrown farm-sized vegetable garden, and now her job to do too.

But I will survive this, and I'll get a better understanding of how my kid's therapy works, which I think is actually a really good thing. I hold out hope we'll get a new tutor in the end as well. I'll keep you updated, and post before-and-after shots of me when it's all over. Because that'll be amusing. For you.

We are also nearing the end of the month, so my photo project is coming to a close. I'll be sharing my favourites over the next few days.

Have a happy Monday! Or at least try to get through it.

Stop the World! I Wanna Get Off!

2010-08-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

Well, my first week as a 37 year-old woman has left me a little shell-shocked. After my wonderful birthday, things went just a teensy bit downhill.

Last Monday, I had to take Firstborn to the Children's Hospital in the big city for a full day of developmental-type assessments. When Rosemary's Baby's pediatrician suggested I have that done "just to see", I thought the whole thing was a bit silly. Firstborn is doing better than well in school, has a nice tight-knit little group of friends, and aside from a few mild tantrums of late (school starts up again in 2 weeks--isn't this happening to ALL parents right now?!), he has really given us no reason to worry. But he does have some odd little quirks, and I wasn't going to pass up the chance to hit the city for a bit of shopping, so we made a day of it.

The neuro-development specialist started out by playing some games with him and asking him questions while I filled out several reams of paperwork. When she asked him to tell her how he'd know he felt happy (I don't even know how to answer that, but I think the stock answer they get is something like "I feel good"), he stopped to think about it for a minute, then answered, "Well, first I'd take my finger and I'd trace over my mouth. If I was smiling, I'd know I was happy!" Pretty logical, no?! Well, a few more of these meanderings down the road less traveled is how my kid ended up with a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome!

It turns out that even if a kid is very functional in his life in general, if that kid happens to have enough little quirky qualities that fall just outside what's considered normal, he can in fact land himself at the mild end of the autism spectrum. So now I have TWO kids on the spectrum. And I'm kind of wondering if the Captain and I should have ourselves looked at!

I know this sounds rather serious, but I'm choosing to take it in stride. This diagnosis is very different from what we're dealing with with Rosemary's Baby, who needs significant intervention just to learn to speak. Back in MY day (heh heh), the adults in Firstborn's life would consider him a bit nerdy or eccentric, shrug their shoulders and move on. Today we say he has a "disorder". Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have this information because now I know what to look out for if he starts to run into problems, and we can get him help. But looking at my relatively normal (if slightly weird) kid, I can certainly understand why some high-functioning adults with autism might argue that their condition is not a disorder, it's a difference.

Okay, climbing down off my soap box now, because on Wednesday, things got worse!

Rosemary's Baby has been on a wait-list for pediatric allergy testing for 11 months and finally last week, he got his appointment. The good news is that the allergist found no environmental allergies, so the pets won't have to be sent off to the hot dog factory just yet. The bad news is that he suspects possible Celiac Disease. This, in itself, came as no surprise whatsoever. I've mentioned before that we've seen benefits by removing gluten from Rosemary's Baby's diet (and I promise to go into this in detail at some point in the near future, since a few of you have asked about it). We also have a bit of gastrointestinal difficulty in some of the men on my side of the family. So I wouldn't be surprised at all if this is what's happening. But in order to confirm that this is the case, I have to undo 11 months of really hard work by reintroducing gluten to his diet for the next seven weeks. And at the end of that nightmare, he might still get a negative result. Bye-bye, sanity!

And finally, it's the great tomato blight of 2010! I had to go out and pull up a dozen dead tomato plants from our garden yesterday. That makes up about half of our tomato crop. It seems to be happening to all of our neighbours too, so I can only guess that the weird weather here hasn't helped matters. I've salvaged what I can of the rotting green tomatoes, but it'll definitely be a smaller haul this year. Here's a look at the aftermath:

That gaping hole of red plastic is where all the dead plants were. Boo hoo!

Lest you think I'm a complete tale of woe, something fun did happen this week as well. While the tomatoes fought a losing battle against the elements, the pumpkins have spread themselves all over the garden, and one has already even started turning orange!

I foresee a lot of jack-o-lanterns and pumpkin bread this fall!

I've also forayed into the world of green tomato recipes and tonight I'll be trying an insane thing called green tomato raspberry jam. Even if it turns out to be horrible, I'll have a good story to tell. Wish me luck!

Happy Monday!

Cake

2010-08-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday, and I'm having a much better one than last year! I started out my day by putting Beatles Rock Band on at full-blast and treating my family to a noisy 7:30 AM performance of "Birthday". Then I splashed a little Irish cream in my coffee, pigged-out on a sugary, fatty breakfast and opened my presents (presented to me still in the mailing package they arrived in, and with a festive "I didn't wrap anything, or take the tags off." Aren't men great?!). It seems that the way you start your day is the key.

Last year, I woke up to a day that was grey and miserable and raining. I'd had to make my own cake because the Captain had been away all week and I'd just plopped it on the kitchen counter to decorate it, when my sister called to wish me a Happy Birthday. I wandered away.

When I came back to the kitchen no more than ten minutes later, the Captain was where I'd left him, drinking coffee and surfing the net in the dining room. Firstborn was still sitting at the table reading, and Rosemary's Baby was still standing in the middle of the kitchen. But something was different. He was covered in crumbs.

I turned, filled with dread, to see what he'd done to my carrot cake. It was still on the counter. It still looked, for all intents and purposes, like a rectangular sheet cake. But the centre was pitted with half a dozen little fist-sized holes. Rosemary's Baby had clearly enjoyed a good portion of my now-ruined birthday cake before it had even been iced. And at this point, I burst into tears.

I should say now that it was just starting to dawn on me this time last year that Rosemary's Baby was autistic, so I was already kind of going through a period of grief, and having him wreck my cake magnified things a little. For the rest of the day, I walked around growling at everyone and wishing the whole day would just end.

Even when you get to an age where you know it's just another day, it's kind of disappointing to have a crappy birthday. So this year, I went in with the intention of taking control of what kind of day I had. In addition to making sure my day started out just right, I originally intended to order myself some cupcakes (I pledge to never again make my own birthday cake) but the Captain was around this year, and wanted to mess around in the kitchen. So, with the help of Firstborn and Betty Crocker, after lunch today, he presented me with this delicious fire hazard:

Yes, there are 37 candles. I'm guessing he wanted to take a subtle dig at me like I did him a couple of weeks ago on his birthday. Here's the cake I made for him:

"What? I just thought you liked Oscar!"

Today, I've taken some time for myself, laughed at my kids, talked on the phone, enjoyed the weather, and eaten enough sugar to put myself in a diabetic coma. I'd call that a good birthday!

Happy Sunday!