Pop Quiz

Have you ever:

• Cleaned poop off the walls?
• Wondered why even the dog eats before you do?
• Been told your new haircut makes you look like Benny Hill, Velma from Scooby Doo, or Professor Snape?
• Taken your first pee break in 8 hours, only to hear an almighty crash from the living room just as your pants hit your ankles?
• Had your cooking referred to as "slop"?
• Escorted a naked child and his soccer ball back inside the house?
• Worn plastic beaded jewellery that gave you a rash?
• Realized that that god-awful song you can't get out of your head comes from a Barney video?
• Looked in the mirror and gasped in horror at the disheveled, crazy-eyed cat lady looking back at you?
• Asked "Good lord, WHAT is that smell?!"

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, I'd like to wish you a very Happy Mother's Day.

A Doctor In the Family

This evening, Brother #2 received his PhD in Chemistry from Florida State University. Needless to say, we are all very proud.

Firstborn and I watched the entire 3-hour long ceremony (including the six thrilling seconds my brother was actually on the stage) via webcast. Here are some photos:

Photo stolen from courtesy of Sister #4, who was physically present for the festivities (and not sitting in freezing cold Manitoba just wishing she was).

And here he is being hooded. My overactive imagination half-expected the professor to fall backwards and accidentally strangle him, but everything went off without a hitch.

One of the best parts of watching this ceremony via webcast was that I could wear sneakers and jeans, crunch noisily on chips, and chit-chat with Firstborn while we waited for the main event. As always, Firstborn made some astute observations:

(While watching the Criminology grads walk across the stage) "Will these guys get jobs with the SWAT team?"

"Was your graduation this dull?"

"I bet he'll be a better doctor than Dr. Zoidberg."

One can certainly hope.

Butt Circles!

Yes, you read that right. I have another terrifying tale of thrift store kerfuffles for you.

Now, since promising you all that I wouldn't set foot in Value Village anymore, I have made one trip back. But I had a good reason. RB needed some toys for his program, and I was also looking for a specific book I needed for the long-distance book club my sisters and I are trying out. On both counts, VV completely redeemed itself. I found the book (Travels With My Aunt by Graham Greene, for those of you who are looking for a good read) within a minute of stepping into the fiction section for 99 cents. I also found several of the toys on my list, for much less than I'd have paid new. I did also look at clothes, but nothing has changed for me on the prices there, so I behaved myself and got out before my impulses took over. All in all, a successful trip to VV!

Now, when I decided to go through my closet to get myself ready for spring, on the other hand, I discovered something quite shocking.

Sometimes when I go thrifting I have a child or two with me. And when that's the case, trying on clothes is completely out of the question. It's also probably a good reason not to buy any either, but I really am the type of person who has to find these things out the hard way.

At some point over the winter, I came across what I thought was a cute denim skirt in my size. I thought it'd be great for summer. Did I need the denim skirt? Of course not. My other two denim skirts should've been perfectly sufficient. But I bought it anyway. Because that's the way I roll. And here, as I discovered months later when I finally tried it on, is the result:

Butt circles!

And just in case you're having trouble seeing what I'm talking about, I've monochromed and contrasted the problem for you:

Computer-retouched butt circles!

I think we can all agree that this skirt is not wearable. That's probably why it was donated to VV in the first place. So now I have to decide whether buying a $5 pack of fabric dye (bringing the total cost of the second-hand item to about $12) is worth the bother, or whether to just call it a day and enjoy the other two perfectly respectable denim skirts I already own.

But more importantly, I am extremely curious as to how this skirt came to have two very prominent faded circles right on the butt. Was this the company's disastrous attempt at a new trend in clubwear? Had the guy at the factory just handed in his two weeks notice and figured he'd have some fun in the dye vat? Was the previous owner prone to sitting on her power sander? 

As it turns out, the thrift store is a place of infinite mystery.

A Little Project

In an attempt to help RB with his pretend play skills, I turned an old, unused Ikea computer table into a little play kitchen for him. I am no woodworker, and this is by no means a professional-looking job, but here's the makeover anyway.

Before:

Ugly, orange, peeling and--as I discovered during the sink installation--cardboard on the inside.

After:

Brits of a certain age might recognize my subtle nod to the classic AGA. Okay, fine. It's a pretty subtle nod. The last time I checked, the AGA didn't have a sink built in...

...or a white board on the side... 

...or curtains underneath. 

But it's got a certain retro charm, no? I wanted to paint spiral burners, but my hand is just not that steady anymore.

These old, cheap towel  bars were hanging in our (hideous) bathroom when we moved in. The voices in my head told me to stash them in the workshop for a rainy day. Proof that you should always listen to the voices...

 I had to hang the oven door upside down because RB loves sitting on any appliance door that opens the normal way. Just ask my dishwasher.

Dinner!

So that's my little project. Everything I used came from around the house and workshop, except for the hinges and the screws for the "taps", which came to just over $6 at the hardware store. All the paint (except for the whiteboard stuff, which has been sitting around in the workshop for months, so I don't count it as new) and the plywood for the shelf and oven door were leftovers from past renovations. The curtains were made with fabric from my stash, and the burner knobs were stolen from RB's wooden lacing set. A very cheap (but slightly labour-intensive) project. Firstborn loves it, and has had fun coming up with a new menu on the side. RB just wants to climb in the bottom and close the curtains.

So much for pretend play.

Not Dead!

How many times have I had to use that as my title now? I promise to improve soon. My next job (which will probably take me another 2 weeks) will be to catch up with all my blog pals before hopefully getting back into the swing of regular posting. In the meantime, enjoy the thrilling highlights of the past fortnight.

The entire family came down with a horrendous flu-like bug that was going around Firstborn's class. The kids got stomach symptoms. The Captain and I were thankfully spared those, at least. But after having to soldier on for two weeks when I just wanted to lay down and die, I will take herbs, teas and kooky hippie supplements every day for the rest of my life rather than ever get sick again. I suppose I could also eat better.

RB has a new tutor! Finally! After 2 1/2 months of searching, his program provider has finally sent us someone new, and she is settling into the job really well. At the risk of tempting fate, I think we might finally have the dream team we've been looking for to work with our little monster! A few of you were wondering what on earth was taking so long, and the answer is that we live in the middle of nowhere. It's really that simple. Living where we do makes finding anyone to do anything a bit of a challenge. But when you're looking for someone to do a really important, demanding job like this one, finding the right person is nothing short of a kerfuffle. If you don't believe me, ask the mass of new grey hairs on top of my head, or the bags under my eyes. My next house will be smack in the middle of the city!

In other good news, I've completed a 5-minute wreath just in time for Easter. Behold:

If you'd like to do this, and have five minutes to spare, all you need is a circle of cardboard, a bag of basket grass, two dozen dollar-store plastic eggs, some ribbon and/or tulle for a bow and a hot glue gun. If you have a cat, the fun is doubled.

Have a great weekend, everyone. I'll be back soon!

What Would Bet Lynch Do?

If you're not a longtime fan of Coronation Street like me, ignore the title. It's just not that important to the content of this post. And when I claim to be a "longtime fan", I mean that I watched the show with my parents from about the age of three and then finally gave up a few years ago after the plot lines got too ridiculous and sensational. When the writers go back to penning stories that involve Norris choosing his wardrobe for his upcoming summer holiday to Bournemouth while Rita makes pithy remarks from the back room of The Cabin (are Norris and Rita still alive?), I'll start tuning in again.

But I digress. Here's what I actually want to talk about:

My new leopard-print jacket! I am one peroxide job away from being Bet's younger sister.

This jacket is a perfect example of what I was talking about in my last post (has it really been almost 2 weeks? Yeesh!). I found this while having a leisurely browse through a few of my favourite online window-shopping stores. This faux-fur leopard-print jacket was in the Cleo clearance section. The original tag on it was $200, and I got it for $30. On my last trip to Value Village, I found a few similar used coats of lesser quality than this one in the $50 range. I won't harp on it. I did that last time. But this strengthens my resolve to stay out of that place.

When my coat arrived in the mail, I ripped it open and pretty much just stuck my face into the amazing furry softness. My mom had a couple of faux-fur coats in the early 80's and I can promise you they didn't feel anything like this. Faux has come a long way! 

Then I had a look at the attached tags and discovered that, in addition to the insane discount and dreamy softness, this coat is also safe to put in my washer and dryer. No dry cleaning required! Can you hear angels singing yet? This is the thrift shopper's equivalent of winning the lottery and on the same day discovering that Colin Firth has a crush on you! So, as you can probably guess, I'm feeling rather pleased with myself. 

And also a bit like putting on a low-cut top and some stiletto heels and pulling a few pints...

The Breakup

Judging from the response I got on my last post, I think I made this Value Village situation seem much more exciting than it actually was. Like most breakups, no one thing just "happened". This breakup has been a long time in coming.

For the last year or so, I've been noticing something curious every time I go to good old Village des Valeurs. All my favorite brands (ie. the ones I can't generally afford to buy new and at their regular price) have been steadily becoming more expensive. To some extent, I expect this. Value Village has a much larger selection than the average little thrift store, and everything is well-organized, so sizes and specific types of items are much easier to find than anywhere else. I'll pay a little more for this kind of convenience. But only a little more.

When I started thrifting, I could easily find a pair of Gap jeans in the $5 range, and at our (now closed) small town thrift store I found several pairs for only a buck each just a couple of years ago. Even with inflation since that time, I think up to $8 is reasonable for a pair of second-hand jeans of a decent brand. But now, on average, I'm finding that Value Village is charging upwards of $13 for the brands that flatter my particular body type. At best, I'm getting them now for $10. If I find them for $8 or less, I look very closely, because it almost always means that they're fraying at the bottom or have a bleach stain or rip on them somewhere. As an all-round cheapskate, I'm rather good at finding deals everywhere I go, so I know that if I wait for a really good sale on the Old Navy/Gap website, I can find a pair of brand new jeans for $10 or less. So why on earth would I buy them used, worn and in need of at least one good wash for the same price or higher at a second-hand store?!

After picking up the Captain on Thursday, we made our usual trek to the big Value Village and I walked around the entire place, becoming more and more frustrated every time I found something cute that I wanted to buy, only to find that the price was barely less than I would pay on clearance from the original retailer. In a few cases, factoring in the cost of dry cleaning actually made the item more expensive than buying it new. In the end, I walked out of there with only a few books and toys for the kids, and absolutely nothing for me. That has literally never happened before. Value Village robbed me of the one true thrill of thrifting--finding an exceptional deal on something I love. And that's when I decided that enough is enough. The time has come. I need to see other thrift stores.

So that's it. Value Village and I are broken up, kaput, splitsville. Should I ever again find myself somewhere as stylish as Montreal, I may give in to the odd holiday fling. But as my main thrifting squeeze, Value Village has become way too needy.

Even in Manitoba where the thrifting opportunities are much more scarce than in other places, the opportunities do still exist. As they say, there are lots of fish in the sea. I just need to get out there and find them.